Sweet Potato Queens say that you need someone (or someones) in your life that can do 5 important things. The queens recommend having 5 different men to do each, but maybe you can find a man who possesses all 5 traits.
Just for fun, let’s see how Kiefer measures up, shall we? Then he’ll know why he should read my blog every day instead of sporadically. It would prevent me from talking about him.
It will also teach him not to go to Africa and leave me here all by myself.
1. Someone Who Can Fix Things
Kiefer is pretty handy. And not handy in the he-fixes-things-and-then-you-call-a-professional way. He does it right the first time.
And this doesn’t exactly count as fixing, but he also washes my car and polishes my headlights. Really. My car headights were really dirty. And you’re dirty for thinking what we both know you were thinking when I wrote “headlights.”
2. Someone You Can Dance With
Check. Kiefer and I just recently danced at his sister’s wedding.
3. Someone Who Can Pay for Things
Kiefer and I take turns paying. I know a few women who let their boyfriends live with them rent-free. Uh, hello? I am not your sugar momma. Pay your own bills. I have a Pop-Tart addiction to fund.
4. Someone You Can Talk to
I tell Kiefer just about everything. Sometimes I tell him too much. Like when I’m constantly outing myself.
Remember this one? Mars and Venus Implementation Fail.
And this one? Eating Fuzzy Butt Fruit.
And the double pat. (I suck at secrets. Never tell me anything.)
5. Someone to Have Great Sex With
Uh…Hi, Mom. What’s s-e-x? Sexxxx? Did I pronounce it right? I swear I’ve never heard of it before.