Don’t Touch Me!

Over the weekend I went to a Berkeley Springs spa with my Mom for a facial and a massage.

Both of these are kind of a big deal for me. Why? Well, I’m glad you asked.

Because I hate people touching me.

I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you.

That doesn’t bother me. Why? Because no one’s touching me. Duh.

I have serious issues with strangers anyone besides Kiefer touching me, coming close to touching me, think about touching me, or being in my personal space. In particular, I hate when people touch my shoulder/collar bone region.


Anyways, back to the spa…I’ve had a facial once before. I hated it. So why get another one? Because my mom loves them. And sometimes being a good daughter means letting someone touch your face.

If you’ve never had a facial, here’s a quick summary. Keep in mind that your eyes are closed (so stuff doesn’t get in them), so you never know what’s approaching your face.

  • Each hot or cold towel made me jump off the table.
  • My hearing became magnified like I was a superhero. I swear I heard a dentist’s drill.
  • Then what I thought was a dentist’s drill actually was a floor buffer. But she put it on my face!Maybe a face buffer. Either way a motor and buffer was involved.
  • The lady massaged my hands and feet. Which was nice except my left foot is ticklish. Yes, only my left foot.
  • One of the lotions she rubbed on my face smelled like paint-flavored tea.

However, in the end, my face felt as smooth as a baby’s buffed bottom.

Next up was the massage.

  • Except for my underoos, I was laying under a sheet completely nekkid. Awk-ward.
  • I forgot to shave my legs. Oops. (Since I’ve had laser hair removal on my legs, there’s not much hair left, and what’s left is pretty fine, but still.)
  • When I got up, I had lines all over my face from being face down on the head rest.

I wasn’t impressed with the massage. I thought massages were supposed to apply some pressure. I received a glorified back rub. I could have achieved that by rubbing my back against a wall thank-you-very-much.


About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

18 responses to “Don’t Touch Me!

  • TheIdiotSpeaketh

    You survived! Now, take your “only one foot ticklish” butt, grab yourself a Pop Tart, and go find a good wall for a REAL back rub! 🙂

  • Sass

    Yay! I’m not the only one who hates to be touched by randoms. Everyone I know thinks I’m crazy, but I think its creepy that people feel the need to touch me. lol. I could have never handled a facial/massage, so kudos for you!

  • leashieloo

    I’m okay with facials and massages, it’s pedicures that give me the heebies. Feet touching is just too weird for me. I hate it. The one time I did get a pedi, I was giggling too hard and kicking the poor woman. Never again.

  • TonyVote

    Paint-flavored tea, ey? You don’t say? Oh, you do? Well in that case, I’ve never actually heard of a paint-flavored tea…does it taste okay? 🙂

  • Amy

    Oh, I am so with you on this. I do not like people I don’t know touching me! I’m not really a big fan of people I do know touching me all that much either. An occassional hug is okay, but don’t start petting my hair or anything.
    I’ve never had a massage for this very reason. I would be more stressed after getting it than I was going in. I can suffer through a pedicure once or twice a year only because I love the results.

  • mescribe

    Oh, the glory of being touched. Okay, that sounded dirtay, but until you’ve worked (note the past tense there, please) in a supermarket behind a register performing the same monotone motion for about eight hours straight (alright, eight hours straight is an exaggeration, but you get my drift) you don’t know what bliss it can be to have someone rubbing oil into your backfat. And pressing their thumbs painfully into the small of your back until you’re crying out for your momma. And stopping just when you’re beginning to enjoy it. Actually, it’s not very satisfying getting a massage. Now, going to the town-over Chocolate Factory on the other hand….


    Great post, girl! As ever.

  • Catherine

    LOL – I used to HATE when my sister’s would pull the “I’m not touching you!” trick. I’d actually prefer if they would just touch me already so I’d have a reason to smack them!!

  • Melme

    People always think it’s strange that I don’t like people I don’t know touching me, particularly men. I remember my mom taking me to get my hair cut by this fabulous gentleman and feeling terribly uncomfortable the entire time. And a big fat YES! to people touching the neck/shoulder region. Hands off, please!

  • omawarisan

    I know people who swear by getting massages, I don’t see the attraction. And now people get them in the middle of the mall, or on airport concourses?

  • suzieashby

    Now this is good. I can understand the whole not wanting to be touched thing, and I have never paid for a massage. I’m certain I would be thinking “O” and screaming it as well. I mean complete and total putty. I love reading your blog. You are so funny. Light and Blessings.

  • Carlynne

    Excellent. My friends think it’s kind of funny that when they touch my neck AT ALL I become a ninja having some sort of shoulder squinchy seizure, but it’s my only recourse. And they will pay.

  • Bschooled

    I hate it when I forget to shave my legs (which sadly, happens more than I’d like to admit).

    I once had a massage from a girl who asked me out halfway through. I was so uncomfortable that I left feeling more tense than I was when I went in…

  • cocktailsattiffanys

    LOL I love the list of the things they do to you during a facial, I’ve never had one but everything except the buffer sounds nice. Also, in bars I will literally ask people not to touch me and to leave my personal space so I feel ya on that!

  • Karin

    I am not one for people touching me either…although hotness helps lol!

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