Falling Off the Book-Wagon-Mobile

You know how I’m supposed to be checking books out of the library instead of buying books at Borders?

Yeaaaaaah. I have a confession to make: I bought two books at Borders.

Here’s my list of why it was ok to buy these books:

  1. Princess made me do it. Seriously. She pulled the longest sword I’ve ever seen out of her purse, and said, “TA, if you don’t buy a flippin’ book, I’ll use this sword to run you through.”
  2. The books were on sale. Buy one, get one free. I got 2 books for $6.35. Anything under $7 doesn’t count. And no, I didn’t just make that rule up.
  3. Since I wasn’t buying a cocoa trio, I had to buy something.
  4. One of the books was a birthday present for Kiefer. Long Way Down is a book about Ewan Gregor and his buddy driving their motorcycles to the tip of Africa.
  5. The other book is Texts from Last Night. Hours of fun. Hours.

Here’s a few from Maryland for your enjoyment:

  • I like the one of me, you, and her, but you’re looking at me. Total foreshadowing right there. I’m cropping it.
  • Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They’re singing Bad Romance off-key, and I’m not sure if I can allow that.
  • Dude, it’s Memorial Day. Not getting wasted = You’re a terrorist.
  • Well that wasn’t the exboyfriend I expected to hook up with today.

A few other favorites:

  • Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
  • I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
  • This guy just walked into class, and the first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk, and say, “Just in case.”
  • I decided to have standards now that I’ve graduated. No guys without a bedframe. 

*I cleaned these up. Too many text abbreviations and bad grammar annoys me.

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

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