Old McDonald Has a Farm

Last week was the Great Frederick Fair. I go to the fair for the food, which will be receiving its own post later, but first, I’ll fill you in on other fair activities.

Runners up to the food are the animals.

Oink, oink.

I named them all Wilbur. Except for the one on the left. His name is Pete. Your left, not my left. No, your other left. Make the Ls with your hands.

Piglet Fun Fact #1: Pigs can get sunburn.

Before we continue, let’s have a round of applause for Kiefer. Because Kiefer hates cows. Yet we still made a special trip to the animal section to check out the calves and their big, beautiful doe eyes.

I think Kiefer hates cows because they stink.  But really, whose poo doesn’t stink? Apparently they don’t have cows on the crunchy West Coast.


The fair also had a Birthing Center where you can watch cows give birth. Yeeeeah…. We didn’t hang around for that. Although it may have been pretty cool.

Of course, the fair also has rides. Blah. I really could care less. Except for the pony ride. When I was little, I always had to ride the ponies. Twice.

I was hoping to relive my youth and ride the ponies, but can you believe there is a 70-pound weight limit? I tried to convince the guy I weighed under that, but he didn’t believe me. What-ever. Pony poo-head.

I’ve already admitted that I’m not a big fan of rollercoasters (If you haven’t read the rollercoaster post, you should. It’s one of my favs.), but I’m also not fond of rides that spin…or drop. Really I dislike most rides.

But this ride. This ride is the worst.

This ride comes straight from the depths of H-E-double hockey sticks. When I become President (A vote for me, is a vote for chocolate.), I’m eliminating this ride from existence.

Why is this ride so horrible?

  1. It looks like a UFO. You know what happens on UFOs? Anal probes.
  2. It spins around at a gazillion miles an hour. That’s just not safe.
  3. When someone else pukes, it gets all over you. There’s no escape. It’s like that math problem where you throw the baseball on a train. The puke stays in the same spot and you move into it.

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

22 responses to “Old McDonald Has a Farm

  • Val

    Hey – how come you don’t post a photo of Kiefer? I love going to fairs too, but only for the funnel cakes & fries!

  • fnkybee

    That UFO ride you speak of was called the ‘Gravitron’ back in the day at our local fair and in my younger days it was awesome (I was young and stupid and had no fear)..now it makes me want to hurl just thinking about it, I think I just threw up a little. It is one big barf trap. One year this ride broke and thank god I was not on it when it happened. The brakes broke so it had to come to complete stop on its own from a full 1,000 mph spin. I heard horror stories about this incident mostly including the amount of vomit that was produced and ejected from the mouths of the riders that had to ride this thing to a stop. Needless to say I cannot look this ride in the eye anymore without a little upchuck. I can’t wait to read your post about fair food. I am going up to my home town this weekend for the annual fair and have a feeling I will come back 50 lbs heavier than what I am now due to elephant ears, walking taco and the local cuisine that I can’t get here in Nashville, ie. skyline and fricsh’s.

  • Blarney

    One of my coworkers witnessed a calf birthing. He described it as “splooshy.” He also said he felt like the ride operators were really trying to show people everything their rides had and make them go as fast as they can. Maybe more vomit than usual!

  • TonyVote

    I actually loved that ride as a kid. I haven’t been on it in years so my opinion may have changed. I used to love the fact that you can shinny yourself to position yourself upside down. It was amazing to be able to hang upside down. The ride has been called Gravitron everywhere I went.
    I Can’t wait to hear about the food. I’m gettin hungry just thinking about it. Although, I dis miss breakfast this morning.

  • letmestartbysaying

    4. And it gives you a MASSIVE wedgie when it’s over.

  • welcome to the middle of life

    I’m with you – those rides are from Hell. I just don’t understand WHY??? Why would anyone want to spin around so fast while pinned in a cage-like coffin (is that redundant?)?
    My sister went to the state fair in Iowa and she said they had pretty much deep fried everything. I was intrigued by the deep fried Snickers bar. It sounds horrifyingly good and much less likely to make me puke as opposed to the rides. Have you ever had one?

  • Lorraine

    God I love this post.
    1.) I ALWAYS make the l’s with my hands. This either makes me sad or awesome.

    2.) I want “A vote for me is a vote for chocolate” to be my motto. I think it’s especially funny because I’m brown. GET IT?! BROWN.

    3.) I’m really mad at ponies today. I’m supposed to go out tonight with Rox and her Goober, but she said it’s supposed to rain cats, dogs and ponies. I called the ponies evil, but pony-poo head is so, so much better.

    4.) The Gravitron was only a good idea when we were too young and stupid to know about anal probes and the unsafety-ness of a million miles per hour. I used to ride it all the time, until I rode it with a fat friend. See, the ride pins you up against the wall and you can shimmey up and down. Well, fat friend decided she wanted to stick her arms and legs out and the gravity slammed them back down. ONTO ME.

    Worse. Fudgin. Ride. Ever.

    But I love you. You’re still marrying me, right? Cool


    • thoughtsappear

      1) Definitely makes you awesome.
      2) I guess I could be “A vote for me is a vote for white chocolate,” but it doesn’t have the same flow.

      You said, “Fudgin.” =)

      I’m still marrying you. Kiefer is taking too long. You and me—we’ll be together FOR-EV-ER.

  • Penny

    I’ve never been a fan of fair/carnival rides. I’m always terrified they’re going to fall apart and I’ll be a dead person.

  • pearlsandprose

    Pony poo-head? Too funny!

    I hate those rides too. Those guys DEFINITELY get off on making them go as fast as possible. I never threw up, but oh, I needed to.

  • suzieashby

    I love this, it takes me back to my childhood. I mean to the point I can smell all that poo. I do love the rides, but a puke-fest would be no fun at all. And if voting for you is voting for chocolate, you’re a sure win. Light & Food.

  • Zoe

    The little piggies are so cute! And I love cows too, such a sweet animal.

  • mescribe

    All the wittle animals are sleepy! Cuteness. And wyes, I aways tawk wike tis wit coote wittle animals! It gets really annoying. Be happy you’re not a cute little animal.

    Also, must say I’ve never thought of the UFO angle for the ride from H-E-double hockey sticks, but of course you’re right. You are always so right. Makes me shudder at the mere thought of it. Though me be a fan of the roller-coasters. (Will promptly read that post, btw.)

    Also, moving on to the second part of your fair series: The Food That Brings You Back For Seconds. 😉

    xoxo… ergh, nevermind.

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