Kiefer’s a Little Bit Crunchy

Have I mentioned that Kiefer is a bit crunchy? He misses the West Coast (Oregon), so Saturday morning we had breakfast at a restaurant that reminds him of home: Cafe Nola

Since he came to IHOP with me, I decided to return the favor. 

And I’m keeping score. 

  • I go camping with Kiefer. He owes me.
  • Kiefer comes to IHOP with me. We’re even.
  • I go to Cafe Nola with Kiefer. He owes me again.

I’ve been to Cafe Nola with Kiefer several times. The food is…weird. You probably don’t think it’s weird, but I’m a picky eater, so I think most food is weird. 

Hummus? Tofu? Kiefer, where the hell have you taken me? I just want a ham and cheese omelet, breakfast potatoes, and a blueberry muffin. 

There’s fun/crazy artwork on the walls, and this weird face was staring at me. It was freaking me out, man. 

You...you don't belong here.

Our food always takes forever, and when it finally arrives, it’s cold, and of course, I don’t like it. Even when I add ketchup to my hash browns. I’m pretty sure the server (and the face on the wall) looked at me in disgust when I asked for ketchup. 

On Saturday we pulled up to Cafe Nola at 8:02 AM. It was closed, but a guy was standing outside. 

Kiefer: What time do you guys open? 

Guy: 8. 

Silence. 

Guy: I don’t have my key, so I’m waiting for the girls to get here. Come back in like half an hour. 

Half an hour? As in 30 minutes? As in 8:32? But you were supposed to be open at 8. 

Kiefer: We’ll come back. 

Me: We’ll what? Seriously? But I’m hungry nooooow. We wouldn’t tolerate this lateness anywhere else, so why is it ok here? 

Kiefer: Because. 

He just tried to “because I said so” me. Like I was Boo or Radley. 

Me: Fine. Stupid Cafe Nola and its stupid food. And its stupid lateness. Stupid lack of Pop-Tarts. You know what love is, Kiefer? Love is waiting to eat nasty food for breakfast when you could be having sex-on-a-plate pancakes.

After several not-so-fantastic Cafe Nola experiences, I’ve formed an opinion of Kiefer’s West Coast. I’ve never been there, but I now imagine the West Coast to be full of hippies. Granola and organic food eating, recycling, composting, chronically late hippies. Hippies who eat funny, cold food without ketchup. Hippies who I am now dubbing “Crunchies.” 

I bet crunchies run wild over there. Actually, I bet crunchies lazily lounge about over there. 

Here on the East Coast (at least in the DC metro area), we’re always in a hurry. Why are we always in a hurry? Because.

Unlike the Cafe Nola staff, I am always on time always early. Because I walk and drive aggressively assertively and with a purpose. If I’m outside, it’s because I have somewhere to be. And you. You are in my way. 

East-Coast-West-Coast tangent over. Back to Saturday. 

Thirty minutes and a Smores Pop-Tart later, we were back at Cafe Nola. And here’s where the story turns. I suspect the Pop-Tart probably had something to do with it. We were served this: 

Veggie Omelet (Look at the funny veggies. This was obviously Kiefer's.)

Egg, Cheese, and Pesto Bagel Sandwich

Not a Borders Cocoa Trio but still tasty.

All of the food was tasty. Yummy, normal fruit! I also got breakfast potatoes (not pictured), and the server actually offered me ketchup! Glorious ketchup!

From now on, you can call me “Crunchy.” Wait…can crunchies have Pop-Tarts?

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

20 responses to “Kiefer’s a Little Bit Crunchy

  • Amy

    A restaurant opening 30 minutes late would have royaly pissed me off and I probably wouldn’t ever go there again. At least they redeemed themselves with the food. That bagel sandwich sounds tasty!
    I think I have “crunchy” tendancies, but I couldn’t deal with the “whatever” attitude in regards to being on time.

  • Hippie Cahier

    >> Granola and organic food eating, recycling, composting, chronically late hippies. Hippies who eat funny, cold food without ketchup. Hippies who I am now dubbing ”Crunchies.” <<
    I would just like to go on record as saying that I love iHop and PopTarts and I'm very punctual. 🙂

  • mairzeebp

    Although I have a deep love for non crunchy fare, I must admit that there is a big part of me that is crunchy at heart. That being said, come back in thirty minutes would have sent me straight to IHOP. Thank goodness the meal was actually tasty when you returned and now, I think he owes you two. One for going to breakfast with him at his locale of choice and two because he was totally trying to shut you down with the because I said so abbreviated version of because :).

  • Penny

    Oh my, how you make me giggle! The veggie omlet looks yum.

  • welcome to the middle of life

    As a West Coaster I am not offended by your blanket statement about the granola eatin’, hummus dipping, veggie lovin’ westerners. It’s very true! However, as much as I love all that crunchy stuff, I am punctual, wear heels to my job (not vegan sandals or something) and love a good hamburger with bacon every once in a while. It’s just necessary!
    I think Kiefer owes you 2 as well. The late opening restaurant when you are hungry for breakfast is totally worth 2 points in your favor.
    Crunch on! 🙂

    • thoughtsappear

      You and Hippie Cahier (and others) are why I love people who read my blog. I was worried people would take my post seriously and post nasty comments.

      My new motto: I’m a little bit crunchy, I’m a little bit rock n’ roll.

  • Lorraine

    I think it was the Pop Tarts.

    Then again, and I lesson I’ve learned, is that unlike sex (er, mostly) Sex Pancakes must not be had too often. It takes the magic away. Sometimes you have to eat crunchy food, or have a restuarant open late, or eat a bag of M&M’s for breakfast because you were already 30 minutes late to work so you really couldn’t eat anything else, in order to appreciate the moments you do have with Sex Pancakes.

    Ahem.

    Lorraine.

  • Heather (qtberryhead)

    Yes, Crunchies can have Pop-Tarts…when they start making them with Tofu.
    There needs to be balance in all things…all the Cafe Nola experiences make you overlook the fact that IHOP might not be the cleanest place in the world…but you enjoy it anyway. For every sucky camping trip, you appreciate the creepy motels of the world.
    Ok, I just icked myself out. Nevermind.

  • mescribe

    Oh my goodness, things sure have changed around here! What, I stop lounging about this place for a week and you go on a walkabout with everything I was used to?! Kidding – the new layout looks great! Did you need something new and exciting in your life – I understand Kiefer must get sort of old and dull – or is this something you do frequently? Walkabouts, I mean. 🙂

    Great post, girl! You’re a very talented writer, you know.

    Lovelovelove.

    • thoughtsappear

      This layout gives me a little more space to work with. I still have to figure out how to change the “Just another WordPress.com weblog” subtitle.

      And the header picture looks different on every computer I use, but oh well.

      As much as I like consistency, I do like to change it up sometimes. =)

  • bluntdelivery

    dude, you said borders cocoa trio…. seriously one of my favorite things on earth!!! besides, the caramel apple spice at starbucks…

    tastes like happiness

  • pearlsandprose

    Kiefer definitely owes you double!

    I lived in CA for 10 years and didn’t meet many crunchies at all. I think they’re mostly in Oregon. 🙂

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