Thongs…Panties Not Shoes

Remember the Sweet Potato Queens? The book I’m reading? Yeah, I was having so much fun reading it that I forgot to blog.

Part 1: The Thong Song

The author tackled the subject of thongs. Whale tails. And I have to ask…Does anyone find them comfy?

I know they’re supposed to be sexy, but I personally find it hard to feel sexy when I feel like I have a constant wedgie. (Too much information?) And it doesn’t matter what size I buy…they always ride up.

I have several because I have some pants that actually fit my butt, and I don’t want everyone to see the outline of my undies under my pants.

OOOOOOH! Under my pants! Underpants! I crack myself up.

Anyways, I don’t want anyone to see the outline of my underoos. Especially since sometimes they shift. And I don’t want random people walking up behind me saying, “You’re about to have a wedgie” or “Let me straighten your seams.”

Tammy (the head queen) asks the same question that I’ve been wondering: “How come they don’t make men’s underwear so it goes up their butts, huh?”

It’s 2010. Equal rights means equally uncomfy underwear.

Part 2: The Solution

Sweet Potato Queens Rule because of this Sweet Potato Queens’ Rule.

(Look how the apostrophe changes the sentence! I cracked myself up again. ::sigh:: I shouldn’t be allowed to blog this early in the morning. Why do you people put up with it?)

Anyways…the rule is Never wear panties* to a party.

Now that you know the panty-party rule, next time…go commando.

*Am I the only person who feels uncomfortable saying the word panties? Whenever I hear the the p-word, I think of Eric in That 70s Show saying, “Panties! Glorious panties!” as Donna pulls the rope in the center of room, causing panties to fall from the ceiling. Please tell me someone else remembers this.

Underwear is awkward, too. I hestitated when I typed both of them. Undies and underoos are ok.  Anyone have any alternatives?

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

16 responses to “Thongs…Panties Not Shoes

  • Hippie Cahier

    Bloomers? Unmentionables? Just trying to be helpful.
    In case no one has ever mentioned it, you have a way with punctuation.
    I’ve been saving this for my commuter post – downtown edition, but I may never get to it: there is a woman who rides a bicycle through downtown traffic wearing skimpy summer dresses and thongs (not the shoes, or maybe the shoes, I don’t know. I’m too distracted by …other things).
    I see London. I see France. I see waaaaaay more than I want to see. I think a local law should be enacted requiring a strict fabric-thickness to undie-style correlation.
    I shouldn’t be allowed to comment in the morning, either.

  • Amy

    I remember that scene from That 70s Show! Loved that show.
    Panties does sound kind of dirty. I usually say undies. I say drawers, too, but with a southern accent so it sounds more like draaws.

  • Pauline

    “Tammy (the head queen) asks the same question that I’ve been wondering: “How come they don’t make men’s underwear so it goes up their butts, huh?””

    I think they do, but most men wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it. (Of course that doesn’t stop many of them from insisting we wear them all the time though! ;))

  • Lorraine

    I once did a whole post about words I hated and panties was defintely one of them. It’s especially hateful because in Spanglish, panties is panties. Evil in two languages!!

    Anyhow, thanks for being braving and talking about icky words. I’m a fan of the boy short personally and almost exclusively.

    Okay, bye.
    Lor

  • redriverpak

    I’m still getting used to wearing my BORAT swimsuit around underneath my clothes. I think I got em on backwards or something…. 🙂

  • planejaner

    I have SEEN men wearing thongs. It’s not pretty.
    Commando is a much better option.
    let’s see…undergarments? underlings? catpants? (follow that one through till you get where I was going…)
    🙂
    you are funny.
    jane

  • TonyVote

    This is such such a great post. You could always call them by their acronym…. U.P.’s lmao

  • Susan

    Choners! Or just chones. I don’t like the word panties either. And I love that 70s show!

  • izziedarling

    Lingerie? Whatev. I hate seeing women who have on a tiny shirt, then skin, then thong straps, then pants. Meh! A pain in the butt, those thongs!

  • alessandraspeaks

    This was a fun read! I have a strict rule: never wear a thong unless scared of panty-line showage. As for going commando to a party, I would sooo be the one to do it, but being on the “extra pounds” side, my undies provide extra control. Don’t want to lose one of those layers. They’re vital.

  • katie o.

    I’m with you…except I loathe the word thong. It’s disgusting. So I only refer to it as “thunderwear”.
    Then I don’t feel so skeeved out.

  • confessionsofadizzyblonde

    I HATE underwear. I have contemplated a “no undies” campaign..but I figured it may be too much. Even for me. Then again I swear that all the itching, pain and other discomforts can easily be avoided by ditching the undies. The problem is it brings a slight paranoia as you are in the nude if your pants break and you can’t do it in a skirt. That would lead to super paranoia. Anyway, when wearing trousers, I’m in favor of “going Italiano” – a lot of men do it, so why not the ladies?

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