#17. Camping: It Nearly Killed Me

I did IT. One thing I thought I would never cross off my 30 Before 30 List. No, not the mechnical bull.

Remember how I wouldn’t go camping because of the camping monster? Well…I went camping, and I’m still alive to tell the tale.

Barely alive. I narrowly escaped death several times.

Setting Up the Tent

  1. A spider was crawling on the tent. Its fangs were razor sharp. I swear it was poisonous.
  2. When Kiefer was putting the poles through the tent, he nearly impaled me. True story.

The Party Inbetween Set Up and Sleep

  1. My marshmallow caught on fire, and I ran around screaming like a banshee waving a fiery stick.
  2. Kiefer and I looked up at the clear sky, admiring the stars. I leaned back so far that my chair nearly fell over. Nearly. I’m graceful like that.

Sleeping in the Tent

  1. Sleep? What sleep? Someone was snoring. I’m now deaf in one ear. Eh? And Canadian.
  2. Someone (::cough, Kiefer, cough::) forgot the air mattress. My back is permanently damaged.
  3. We were on a slight hill, so I kept rolling on top of Kiefer. We nearly rolled off the hill’s cliff and tangled ourselves in the thorns below.
  4. I roll around a lot when I sleep (even when there’s not a hill), so the sleeping bag tried to strangle me. And the zipper tried to gnaw off my leg.

The Next Morning

  1. Due to sleep deprivation (from the snoring), upon exiting the tent, I tripped and nearly poked my eye out on a stake.
  2. The bathroom was so far away that I almost lost bladder control and peed myself. Then I would have definitely died…of embarrassment.
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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

34 responses to “#17. Camping: It Nearly Killed Me

  • Marliz3e

    Awww… I am sad that your camping experience didn’t go well! I love camping… Only did it twice, but I’m going camping in October! =D

  • leashieloo

    You and me both on the camping nonsense. I have never done and I never want to, despite everyone acting like it’s the greatest thing invented. I’m glad you’re still alive 🙂

  • cocktailsattiffanys

    I’m going to be honest here, I had to boycott your blog for a few days because of that nasty needle picture. When I saw Saw, I nearly barfed. Ewww.

    But anyway, I hate camping too. However, I love roasting marshmellows and catching them on fire before smashing them into my mouth. I kinda like things a little burnt and I understand that makes me a freak.

    -L

    • thoughtsappear

      I may have avoided my blog some as well because of that picture. I’m still catching up on other people’s blogs in fear that they retaliated with an equally gross picture.

      You’re a burnt marshmallow person…I’m a slightly warmed marshmallow person. A barely there tan.

    • TonyVote

      Don’t worry I like things a little burnt too. Burnt marshmallows are the best though. Second on my list is the burnt edges of pancakes. Mmmm tasty, now I’m hungry.

  • Denise

    I don’t care what anyone tells me about how much fun camping is- I don’t believe for a second that anyone can truly enjoy sleeping on the ground with nothing blocking them from the creepy crawlers and 4-legged furry creatures. You are much braver than I. I haven’t been camping since girl scout camp when I was 9 and I still consider it a punishment- I failed my deep water test on purpose so I didn’t have to swim in a filthy lake;)

  • perpetuallypeeved

    I’m going camping for the first time with the kids this week. Something tells me I may have a similar blog post to yours… wish me luck.

  • Pauline

    “Someone (::cough, Kiefer, cough::) forgot the air mattress. My back is permanently damaged.”

    LOL. My husband and I went camping once with another couple. My husband’s parents lent us their “mattress”, which was basically a flat mat, and I felt every rock and boulder underneath it. It was BEYOND uncomfortable and we also got a site right next to the highway and I could hear every truck that zoomed by, so needless to say, we didn’t sleep much that night. The next day we went out and bought a real fricking blow up mattress as well as some soft ear plugs.

    Hey, I can “rough it”, but I need to be able to sleep first! 🙂

  • Amy

    A good mattress is key. I can put up with pretty much anything but don’t mess with my sleep. I get angry. Amy SMASH!

    We used to camp a lot when I was little. We seemed to always go in November. In the mountains. Unzipping your tent and seeing snow is not fun.

    Glad you survived! Now, you never have to do it again if you don’t want to. Yay!

  • TonyVote

    Did you have any fun at all?

  • redriverpak

    Did ya remember to take your Pop Tarts with ya? Ya can’t leave all the comforts of home behind! 🙂

  • izziedarling

    No camping for me, sister, because of all the horrors you went through. But the stars are pretty wonderful. 🙂

  • mct88

    Camping isn’t too bad. Especially if you have air mattresses and a HUGE tent. lol We’ve gone every year but our first camping experience was EXTREME camping. Like, literally out in the boondocks! Like using a shovel to make a whole to use the bathroom …and showers? drive out on the lake with the boat and pick a spot-don’t forget the soap!

    Quite an experience to say the least…

  • alonewithcats

    You’ve just perfectly outlined all the reasons I never go camping. I made that mistake once. Never again. I even had to end a long-term relationship because my partner became a camping enthusiast. True story. Mostly.

  • planejaner

    funny funny. Add kids to the mix, and you’ll wonder at your sanity–but it’s great for a fabulous laugh.
    take care! and, I love the new layout–I don’t know how long you’ve had it (i’ve been so busy I’ve not been reading my “faves” as I like to…) but it really makes your site “pop”
    blessings
    jane

  • suzieashby

    This is really awesome. You are so funny. I got the visuals quite vividly and I cannot stop laughing. Thank you for making my day, I needed a good laugh. How is it you are not a famous comedian? Light & Laughter.

  • Suse

    Oh! Sorry it was so bad! I find the older I get the less I like camping. Sleeping on the ground sucks. And sleeping bags don’t come with 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Why would you want anything else?
    At least you got a moment to admire the stars… and at least you tried! Good Job! Now on to the mechanical bull. I can’t wait to hear about that!

  • Vodka and Ground Beef

    Woah. I have been thinking about going camping for awhile now, and this has given me some slight hope that perhaps I could prevail.

    But I’m terrified of llamas, mountain lions, o-possums, etc.

    I don’t know. I need another 30 years to make my mind up.

  • Bschooled

    Haha!

    Don’t worry, being Canadian isn’t all that bad.

    True story, we have like hundreds of different kinds of maple syrup!

  • thoughtsappear

    I do love me some maple syrup.

  • blue

    You did doing quite well. Once I went camping with a group of friends and since I had to work the first day, I showed up the second day showered and smelling good with my cup of starbucks coffee to greet my friends who stayed there the night before. My good friend, R, was teasing me about my coffee so bad but ended up gulping down my half finished cup. I felt really really bad for not bringing more trappings of civilization into the woods.

    R had the last laugh, however. R had a proper inflatable air mattress. I had a flipsy piece of plastic to cushion me against the earth for the night.

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