Squeamy McSqueams-A-Lot

Some A lot things make me cringe or flip out at the mere thought of them. ::shudder::

I hope she got a lot of lollipops.

Fainting: I hate needles. While I’m waiting, I whisper, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” and my legs start shaking. Because even though there’s just one tiny needle, I see the needle pit from Saw. Then I pass out. Usually into the arms of a nurse half my size.

Losing feeling in my hands: This tends to happen at the worst possible times. For example, when I’m driving. On the radio, they’ll talk about something invasive—like colonoscopies—which leaves me unable to steer.

Shifting my weight a gazillion times: This happens when people tell surgery stories. One leg wants to be supportive and listen, but the other wants to walk run away. My legs are torn and can’t decide what to do…hence the pee pee dance.

Covering my eyes: I watch most horror movies without a flinch. Blood squirting everywhere? Cool!

But some scenes I can’t handle. Scenes involving needles and eyes. Remember that movie Fire in the Sky? Needle headed straight for the eye. Double whammy.

Someone losing an eye in a movie (Isn’t Hostel where the person carries their eyeball around in a cup?) causes me to bury my head in Kiefer’s shoulder. Then he puts his hand up to block my view just in case I decide to look before it’s over. But that just makes me curious to see what I’m missing.

Crossing my legs: Hearing the words “tear” or “rip” in reference to childbirth. Keep anything you have to say about your private parts to yourself, please.

Running away from conversations or shoving fingers in my ears: I do this when people talk about laser eye surgery. Specifically, Kiefer Sutherland’s eyes. Specifically, at the mention of the words “eye fla-.” You’ll have to guess the last letter. Here’s your hint: The letter sounds like “Pee.”

I’m just one step away from running to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth to keep from projectile vomiting.

And that, Scott, is why I’m unable to expose my brains to attract zombies.

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

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