Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger…Say It Ain’t So

Dear Wisconsin State Fair,

I recently read this quote by one of your vendors:

“It’s a doughnut with chocolate-covered bacon and a cheeseburger put together. How could you go wrong?”

I’d like to counter with this: How could you possibly go right?

Let’s analyze the main course.

• I like cheeseburgers.
• I love Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
• I do NOT like cheeseburgers squashed between Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

I like lettuce, ketchup, and a little mayo on my burgers. Maybe sesame seeds on the bun. Are there sesame seeds on your doughnut or are there rainbow sprinkles?

I’ve never walked into Krispy Kreme, pressed my nose against the glass while smearing drool and fingerprints on the glass, and then said:

“Hmmm…I’m not really feeling the jelly- and custard-filled doughnuts today. Don’t you have something with red meat on the inside? I’d like that medium rare. And extra pickles, please.”

Now let’s look at your side.

• With my cheeseburger, I like fries. (Or a healthy salad to balance the burger.)
• You know what I sometimes like love on my doughnuts? Chocolate icing.
• In the bullets above did I list chocolate-covered bacon on a stick as a side? No.

I think you just ruined the chocolate. And to me, ruining chocolate is like spilling beer. Shame on you.

I love State Fair food. I love the deep-fried Oreos, the Sno-Cones, the ice cream, and the cotton candy. What I don’t do is dip my onion rings in the powdered sugar from my funnel cake because I can’t find any ketchup.

If you want salty and sweet, may I suggest a chocolate-covered pretzel or a candy apple covered in peanuts?

Sincerely,

Thoughts Appear

PS: I award you one point for creativity.

PPS: It seems only fair to mention that I’m a picky eater as you can see here, here, and here.