Death by Doughnuts

My Onion horoscope says, “Your life will be cut tragically short next week by the untimely discovery that your breadmaker can also be used to make doughnuts.”

I don’t actually have a breadmaker, but I guess I’ll soon be visited by the breadmaker fairy. So if I don’t post for a couple days, you’ll know why. Eat a doughnut in my memory.

Or…I may not be posting for a couple days because I’m moving in with Blarney.

In addition to The Onion, I also like to turn to other reputable sources for my horoscope. Like Happy Bunny.

From Jim Benton

Because I was born in June, I’m a Gemini. Sometimes.

  • Geminis are moody. OMG, YOU’RE THE WORSTEST PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF WORSEST PEOPLE!  But I love you anyway.
  • Geminis are prone to nervousness. So I know this is just a check-up on my asthma, but you’re not going to give me any shots are you? Are you sure? Really sure?
  • Geminis’ best matches are Libra. Kiefer Sutherland is a Libra.

Sometimes I’m not a Gemini.

  • Geminis constantly probe for more information. Did you say the earth is flat? Ok. I believe you.
  • Geminis are quick thinkers. Waaaaaaait…whaaaaaat?
  • Geminis are great communicators. Why are you crying? I don’t know!
  • Geminis like casual relationships. Need…ring…now….

Kiefer thinks my personality matches the Cancer zodiac sign. Maybe I fit there because I was born at the end of Gemini and the beginning of Cancer.

Anyways, have a great weekend!


About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

20 responses to “Death by Doughnuts

  • Abby

    Haha, this is funny! I’ve never really looked up my own horoscope sign (Pisces) to see what I’m like.

    All I know is that for the Chinese zodiac signs, the chicken is compatible with the dragon. And I have a dragon fellow… so…

  • Hippie Cahier

    Death by doughnut seems like a delightful way to go, but not right now — you still have things on your 30 by 30 list!

    So, I had to look mine up: Future archaeologists will find your desiccated skeleton exactly where you starved, midway between two 64-ounce bags of Bugles.

    Bugles? I love Bugles!

    Best wishes to you and Blarney on your excellent new adventure.

  • josh1340

    Death by Doughnut….sounds like a mystery novel. Good luck on the move.

  • mairzeebp

    I’ve never heard of the onion but of course had to drop by once I saw your horoscope. I’m a Virgo (also sometimes…well most times I guess) and it said this, “Future archaeologists will find your desiccated skeleton exactly where you starved, midway between two 64-ounce bags of Bugles.” I laughed out loud and then went downstairs and threw out my Bugles. I’ll have to find something else to wear on my fingers when I pretend I’m the snack witch :).

  • Classic

    Once again: epic post haha (I’m adding you to my blogroll.) I’m a Cancer; and much of the time my horoscopes are just.. Well, I suppose chuckle-worthy is the right phrase. According to my horoscope I’m sensitive, nurturing and cautious. And yet, how many times have I made old people cry or forgot to give my mom medicine for her flu or nearly walked into open traffic? Though they do have their moments, horoscopes have yet to have me pegged..

    • thoughtsappear

      Those 3 words you just used are definitely me…proof that I’m probably more Cancer than Gemini.

      How do you make old people cry?

      • Classic

        Well, it was more my mom than me; we were in an elevator of this hotel and an older woman stepped in, her hands were full of groceries and shopping bags so I offerred (and in turn, making my mom offer) to hold her bags for her since we were all going down to the lobby and to the dining room for breakfast. She said something to the tune of “Oh, thank you so much, you didn’t have to do this.” and I heard my mom say something to her but I was too busy listening to elevator music and thinking about something senseless, so I just said “Yeah, we don’t mind.” Whatever my mom said, it made the old lady snatch back her bags, start sobbing, and skee-dattling away from us when the doors opened. I found out later that my mom had said, “Oh, it’s just fine. I really love helping old people.” That was about five years ago, I still feel guilty

  • redriverpak

    You had me at doughnut……. Now…where can I buy a damn breadmaker at this hour????

  • alonewithcats

    I’m a Libra. We’re a match. Score!

  • Blarney

    I guess you’ll be able to tell if you’re annoying me by the arrival of a breadmaker on our doorstep. Hilarious.

    OMG — Mine is: Your life will continue on pretty much the way it always has.

    I’m so predictable.

    • thoughtsappear

      Now you know my weakness! Note: Apparently it takes more than 3 doughnuts since that’s how many I ate Saturday.

      At least you get to live. The rest of us are choking on doughnuts and Bugles.

  • alessandraspeaks

    Haha! I LOVED this. I’m a Gemini too!…only sometimes.
    Also, Gemini’s WORST pairing is Capricorn…my boyfriend is a Capricorn.

  • keikomushi

    I am yet another screwball Gemini. I was born on May 24th, and am what can be describe as an insane, random creative, which is probably why I love this love. I love to write, I love to blog. However, I still have trouble with learning music even though I listen to a LOT of different genres. I am also dabbling in sketching, trying to learn anime art because of my longtime fascination with the format. Yep, I love to create stuff and no matter how much it sometimes annoys the people around me, it is something that makes me happy. I am an insane, random Gemini and there is no way to stop me from doing what I love – the creed of most if not all Geminis that I know.

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