My Onion horoscope says, “Your life will be cut tragically short next week by the untimely discovery that your breadmaker can also be used to make doughnuts.”
I don’t actually have a breadmaker, but I guess I’ll soon be visited by the breadmaker fairy. So if I don’t post for a couple days, you’ll know why. Eat a doughnut in my memory.
Or…I may not be posting for a couple days because I’m moving in with Blarney.
In addition to The Onion, I also like to turn to other reputable sources for my horoscope. Like Happy Bunny.
Because I was born in June, I’m a Gemini. Sometimes.
- Geminis are moody. OMG, YOU’RE THE WORSTEST PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF WORSEST PEOPLE! But I love you anyway.
- Geminis are prone to nervousness. So I know this is just a check-up on my asthma, but you’re not going to give me any shots are you? Are you sure? Really sure?
- Geminis’ best matches are Libra. Kiefer Sutherland is a Libra.
Sometimes I’m not a Gemini.
- Geminis constantly probe for more information. Did you say the earth is flat? Ok. I believe you.
- Geminis are quick thinkers. Waaaaaaait…whaaaaaat?
- Geminis are great communicators. Why are you crying? I don’t know!
- Geminis like casual relationships. Need…ring…now….
Kiefer thinks my personality matches the Cancer zodiac sign. Maybe I fit there because I was born at the end of Gemini and the beginning of Cancer.
Anyways, have a great weekend!