Warning: I’m about to get all deep and sentimental, so if you’re looking for a chuckle, don’t read on.
A couple months ago, Kiefer Sutherland did something that hurt me. Something that blindsided me. Something that I wasn’t sure I could get over. Something I wasn’t sure I could forgive. In the grand scheme of boyfriend mess ups, it was low on the scale, but it still hurt.
Blarney and I recently had a conversation about “the something” and what forgiveness is. I think I said, “I forgive him, I guess.”
Although I wasn’t entirely sure what forgiveness was, I was pretty sure that adding “I guess” at the end meant that I didn’t actually forgive him.
I thought I forgave him because people (even him) make mistakes. But he still hurt me. And the “something” still hurt to think about. Did that mean I didn’t forgive him?
What’s your definition of forgiveness?
To Blarney, forgiveness means wiping it clean. Which I think is awesome. But also really hard. If it still hurts you, have you really forgiven someone? How long till it doesn’t hurt? How do you trust someone to not hurt you again?
The other night Kiefer said something…and he did something (Actions speak louder than words.) that stopped me in my tracks. It made me realize, “He is truly sorry for hurting me. And he’s doing everything he can to make it up to me.”
In that moment, I knew I forgave him.
It’s been raining on and off here, and this morning (after forgiveness was achieved and realized), I saw a rainbow.
So what is forgiveness? To me, forgiveness means rainbows. Forgiveness means washing away the bad and leaving something beautiful in it’s place.