Wrapped Up in a Bow…A Rainbow

Warning: I’m about to get all deep and sentimental, so if you’re looking for a chuckle, don’t read on.

A couple months ago, Kiefer Sutherland did something that hurt me. Something that blindsided me. Something that I wasn’t sure I could get over. Something I wasn’t sure I could forgive. In the grand scheme of boyfriend mess ups, it was low on the scale, but it still hurt.

Blarney and I recently had a conversation about “the something” and what forgiveness is. I think I said, “I forgive him, I guess.”

Although I wasn’t entirely sure what forgiveness was, I was pretty sure that adding “I guess” at the end meant that I didn’t actually forgive him.

I thought I forgave him because people (even him) make mistakes. But he still hurt me. And the “something” still hurt to think about. Did that mean I didn’t forgive him?

What’s your definition of forgiveness?

To Blarney, forgiveness means wiping it clean. Which I think is awesome. But also really hard. If it still hurts you, have you really forgiven someone? How long till it doesn’t hurt? How do you trust someone to not hurt you again?

The other night Kiefer said something…and he did something (Actions speak louder than words.) that stopped me in my tracks. It made me realize, “He is truly sorry for hurting me. And he’s doing everything he can to make it up to me.”

In that moment, I knew I forgave him.

It’s been raining on and off here, and this morning (after forgiveness was achieved and realized), I saw a rainbow.

So what is forgiveness? To me, forgiveness means rainbows. Forgiveness means washing away the bad and leaving something beautiful in it’s place.

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

23 responses to “Wrapped Up in a Bow…A Rainbow

  • Karen Sanders

    Forgiveness is a complicated thing.Sometimes you think you have forgiven someone but when you really stop to think about it, you’re still not sure. I think – even if something still hurts you – it doesn’t necessarily mean you haven’t forgiven them for it. Some things just really cut deep and will always hurt.

    I wish I had a definitive answer, but I love yours!

  • Amy

    You can forgive someone for what they did, but that doesn’t mean you have to trust them or feel the same way towards them as you did before. You can say, “I forgive you, but I am not going to let you hurt me that same way again.” It can change the dynamic of a relationship if what you are forgiving is huge. You an forgive someone and still never want to see them again.

    It seems like you did forgive him, but because you were still hurt, it didn’t feel like forgiveness. When he showed you how sorry he was, it opened up that part of your heart that he had closed when he hurt you.

    • thoughtsappear

      I think you’re right about it not feeling like forgiveness and my heart opening back up. Well put!

      That’s a good example about forgiving someone but still not wanting to see them again. That’s how I feel about my ex.

  • Abby

    I feel as if I don’t really have something very definitive either. I had a friend that hurt me very badly once, and I finally forgave him. For me that meant that I still wouldn’t trust him or feel the same way toward him, but I couldn’t let his words or deeds affect my life negatively. Acknowledging the fact that it happened and moving beyond that. It’s not the most beautiful forgiveness, though… he still won’t speak to me.

    There is another friend that I forgave… he made me cry over something and he took me out for Chinese food afterwards. I forgave him and it definitely made our relationship go in a good direction. Sort of like your rainbow.

  • Mckenzie

    Forgiveness is hard, especially when you want to forgive someone but there is still an ache in your heart. I think forgiveness comes when you feel at peace with what happened, and you are able to move forward without mentioning it again.

  • izziedarling

    Forgiveness is the easy part … it is the “forgetting” that is the bitch. They go hand in hand, but usually don’t happen at the same time for me. I’ll forgive anyone but if the situation was beyond all boundaries, I either move on and away from them or feel completely indifferent in their presence. If it’s someone who figures big in my life, we find a way to push through. Love your rainbow. You are all good.

  • Vodka and Ground Beef

    Three things:

    1. Forgiveness is hard. That old saying, you can forgive but not forget is the kicker because for me, forgetting gets in the way of forgiving even when I’m tired and I just feel like forgiving completely. It’s tough. I think of it like my heart has to trick my mind.

    2. I believe in signs and if you decided you really wanted to forgive and then saw this rainbow, that would be a deal-sealer for me. It means you’re going to be able to.

    3. Are you Julia Roberts?

    • thoughtsappear

      1. I have a memory like an elephant. Isn’t that the animal that never forgets? I like what you said about your heart tricking your mind.

      2. I like to think that the rainbow was a sign, too.

      3.Yes. Yes, I am.

  • leashieloo

    I think the fact you’ve recognized his efforts to make it up to you speaks volumes. My boyfriend did “something” that almost ruined our relationship and the fact that his actions reflected his words, helped me forgive him…though if I’m in a MOOD, I kind of dwell. For the most part, time heals.

  • RubyTwoShoes

    For me the hardest part of forgiveness is the ‘letting go’ part, like you, I find this especially confusing when I am still feeling hurt…But it sounds like you do a great job of working through the process yourself – I have to pay a therapist to paint me rainbows!! But God love her, she does, so its worth every cent….

  • Olivia

    Right, forgiveness is tough, very much.
    I have off- late forgiven many a things. Infact, I had invited that friend over to my home too.. she was too glad to oblige me. It had taken pretty long- but now is permanent. I guess, for some of us, its tough to forgive completely..

    Even a try is worth..
    Rainbow is breathtaking..

  • Aly @ Breathe Gently

    Agreed with the others – it’s one thing to forgive, but it’s hard to leave it behind without occasionally going back to that HURT. It’s a tough feeling to deal with. It sounds like you’re making your way through – and that’s the most important thing.

    Hoping you guys are ok. x

  • fatisnotanoption

    I went through the same exact thing with my bf. I forgave but couldn’t forget. I still hurt a lot whenever I thought about it and I still felt a little resentful when something would remind me of it. But like your Keifer, in time, my bf has shown how sorry he was. And he’s never repeated it again. That’s how he slowly started to gain my trust back. It takes time to forgive and to forget and to trust again. In time, it will just naturally happen. You will realize whatever it was wasn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

    A rainbow in the Bible means God’s promise after the storm. So I feel it’s a sign to you that everything will be okay.

  • letmestartbysaying

    I think forgiveness can be a couple things. Like truly accepting it and letting it go. Or recognizing the offender’s genuine wish to take what happened back for your sake (not his own) and putting your pain in a cabinet, locking it up and knowing you cant wipe it away yet but you will in time and not hold it over the offender’s head in the meantime.

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