Discussions lead to Arguments, and Arguments lead to Battles of Blame. And the next thing you know, someone is getting pushed off a cliff by Spartan Gerard Butler.
This is another great chapter to read in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
“The closer we are to someone, the easier it is to bruise or be bruised.”
So true, so true, Dr. Gray.
The 4 Fs…No, That’s Not One of Them
Fight: Men tend to focus on being right, and they often become defensive. But being defensive provokes resistance from women. Sports nuts that they are, men also play offense, which intimidates their partner and weakens her trust.
Flight: Sometimes men shut down and go into the cave.
Fake: Women are good at faking it. Not just with “that” but with everything. Women pretend not to be hurt and that there’s not a problem, which causes them to pull away.
Fold: Like in poker, women tend to just give in and assume responsibility for the fight even though the fight began through combined efforts. That’s a lot of burden to carry.
Remember in this post how I interpreted what Kiefer said? I’m not the only one.
When a man disappoints a woman…
What She Said: How could you do this?
What He Heard: There is no good reason for you disappointing me. You are an idiot.
What He Said: It’s not such a big deal.
What She Heard: If you are upset, it is your fault.
What She Should Have Said: I don’t like being disappointed….
What He Should Have Said: I understand I disappointed you. How can I support you now?
If you feel an argument coming on, take a time-out to reflect on your approach. How is your partner perceiving you?
Are you listening to your partner? Learning to integrate another point-of-view with your own will help avoid arguments.
Also, men, you’re not always right. Seriously. This chapter said that. And the author is a man, and in this case, he’s right.