Chapter 8: Respect Rafiki

This may be the best chapter yet in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Go to the nearest bookstore or library and read this chapter…right now. As always, I’ll wait.

Women Need (What Men Can Say to Fulfill the Need):

  • Caring (I love you. Or just to be perfectly clear, I care about you.)
  • Understanding (I understand why you’re upset.)
  • Respect (Yes, ma’am.)
  • Devotion (Let me ignore these other people—or the game—for a few moments and get lost in your eyes.) ::swoon::
  • Validation (That would bother me, too.)
  • Reassurance (For the 100th time in the last 5 minutes, yes, I love you.)

Men Need (What Women Can Say to Fulfill the Need):

  • Trust (Have fun with the guys tonight!)
  • Acceptance (I’ll accept the fact that you’re an a-hole sometimes.) Sorry. Apparently I still have some left over resentment from Chapter 5.
  • Appreciation (Thank you for giving me the bigger half of the cookie. And the last bite of ice cream.)
  • Admiration (I can’t believe you are kind enough—and have the self-control—to give up the last bite of ice cream. You’re amazing.) 
  • Approval (Nice job picking out that shirt. You look great!)
  • Encouragment (I like your hugs. Could I have another?) Must resist urge to mention hugs in every post….

Rafiki says, “Focus on what your partner needs because in a relationship needs are like the Circle of Life. Focusing on what your partner needs will lead you to Hakuna Matata.”

Circular Example: Women need to feel adored and special. When a man makes a woman feel special, in return, she admires him. She also appreciates him, approves of him, and will most likely encourage him to make her feel special again. Four for the price of one, guys!

Uncircular Examples:

  • When a woman is upset, she says, “How could you do that?” The man no longer has her approval so he feels unloved. The man has no response, so the woman feels insecure.
  • When a man puts his children or work first all the time, a woman doesn’t feel special because she feels she is last on the man’s list of priorities.

I have to admit the men’s needs list confuses me. If men need to be trusted, why do they do things like lie? Lying doesn’t make me trust you, appreciate you, admire you, approve of you, and I certainly don’t want to encourage lying.

Before you jump all over me and leave nasty comments, yes, I know, women lie, too. But “Trust” is on the men’s Top 6 Needs List.

How to Listen Without Getting Angry

This list in the book was great. My favorite one for men was “Refrain from defending yourself until she feels you understand and care.”

How to Give Up Changing a Man

Another good list to read. My favorite for women was “Practice showing him that he doesn’t have to be perfect to deserve your love.”

I’d like to close by mentioning one of women’s needs again, and by quoting Aretha Franklin, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Take care, TCB. Oh, sock it to me, sock it to me….”

You’re gonna be singing that all day now.


About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

12 responses to “Chapter 8: Respect Rafiki

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