Chapter 4: Losing, Winning, and How to Play the Game

In Chapter 3 we learned that men retreat to their caves when they’re bothered. Chapter 4 follows up on the cave and how to get men out of the cave.

Getting Him Out of the Cave


  1. The book says, “His body lit on fire” makes the man leave the cave. So grab your matches and lighter fluid and get to work.
  2. Maybe #1 is too literal. A man will come out of the cave when he sees a beautiful woman. So try walking around naked in front of him.
  3. There is no solution. You just have to wait it out.

Unfortunately, #3 is your best bet. When men go into the cave, it freaks women out, and women try everything to get men to exit the cave.

And that backfires. Men need to be needed, but they are turned off by neediness. So women have to walk a fine line.

Playing the Game

Men: “I want to win, and I don’t care if you lose.”

Women: “I lose so that you can win.”

When a man is in his cave, leave him alone. Let him do his thing. Why? Because for men, “Their biggest problem is that they do not know what they are missing.” Go shopping, see a movie. Be like Houdini and escape.

Your absence will motivate your man miss you and exit the cave. Then you can talk to him, and everyone wins: “The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.”


The author includes a story about a couple where the guy can’t seem to commit to his girlfriend. And it bugged her. A lot. Hmmm…sound like anyone you know? (::cough, cough:: Me!)

The girlfriend didn’t bring it up for awhile, and then one day she said, “I’m so happy being with you. I want to be with you through it all–even if you’re jobless, poor, etc.” She said something along those lines. She probably didn’t say “etc.” And the next day her boyfriend proposed.

I’m definitely going to try this out when Kiefer gets back from his work trip. I’ll let you know how it goes.

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

14 responses to “Chapter 4: Losing, Winning, and How to Play the Game

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