4:22 AM: Kiefer leaves my apartment to get ready for work, and I return to bed.
4:31 AM: My cat, Esme, lays down next to me and nudges my neck because she’s hungry. I refuse to get up.
4:35 AM: Esme bites and claws at my head. I scream, “NOOOO!” and push her away. Esme thinks I’m playing, so her attack continues.
4:39 AM: Fine! With no evidence of an the attack’s end in sight, I get dressed in a sports bra and shorts for morning Yoga-Pilates. Esme does the crazy run-around-the-apartment-at-light-speed thing.
4:47 AM: Esme jumps into the window sill behind the curtain. I think I’ll get you, my pretty, as I creep up to the window.
4:48:02 AM: As I pull back the curtain, Esme’s defense backfires, and she (ever so gracefully) falls backwards out the window while pushing out the screen. With my cat-like reflexes, I try to catch Esme as she falls out the window. I end up juggling her and then squashing her against the outside wall.
4:48:11 AM: Safely on the ground (luckily I’m on the ground floor), Esme stares up at me accusingly: You. You did this to me! Esme turns and runs away, leaving me hanging out of my window.
4:48:14 AM: Panic ensues. My all black cat is loose, and it’s dark outside. I’ll never find her. Running towards the door, I ponder putting on shoes, or maybe a shirt. There’s no time!
4:48:18 AM: I grab her treats so I can lure her back. Or at least leave the treats all over the sidewalk like Reeses Pieces ET-style so she (and every other cat in the neighborhood) can follow them back home.
4:49 AM: Once outside, I find my cat about 7 feet from the window dazed and confused and sniffing a bush. I walk right up to her and snatch her up. She relaxes and curls up in my arms. (My cat is not a hold-me cat.) I inspect her to make sure I indeed grabbed my cat.
4:50 AM: I decide to put the unstruggling cat down to see if she’s hurt. Esme starts pawing at the treats. Obviously, she’s fine.
4:58 AM: I go back outside. I look at the screen and then look at the window. I go back inside.
4:59 AM: I call Kiefer to help me fix the window.