Dear Mom and Dad,
A visit to the toy store reminded me of my childhood. Particularly, it reminded me of the toys that you never bought me.
Here I list your offences (the missing toys):
- Lite Brite. It glowed in the dark; therefore, it was cool.
- Popples. They were cute and brightly colored, and they folded into a pocket. A pocket, I tell you!
- Glo Worm. What did you have against things that glowed? Why buy a nightlight when you could have bought a Glo Worm?
- Snorks. What did they ever do t you? Animals with snorkels growing out of their heads need love, too.
- Care Bears. I realize Mom made Care Bears out of fabric, but it wasn’t the same. They didn’t have real arms and legs. (Image courtesy of Rose’s Buttons.)
- Power Wheels. The 4-year-old child’s equivalent of Big Pimpin’.
- She Ra. What did you have against the warrior princess? Lunchbox got HeMan.
- Teddy Ruxpin. A bear that talked. Self-explanatory.
- Cable TV. This ruined my life.
- Disney. Haven’t you seen the commericals of the little boy hugging Mickey Mouse? Of the little girl having tea with Cinderella? I can’t believe the two of you went to Disney when Lunchbox and I were in college…and then you didn’t even take us with you.
Thoughts Appear aka Your Deprived Child
PS: Thank you for the providing me with a complete set of Rainbow Brite and Rose Petal dolls. I’m even impressed that you managed to find a Cabbage Patch Doll during the Cabbage Patch Doll shortage. And thank you for indulging me with almost any My Little Pony I desired.
I also appreciated the Easy Bake Oven. And screw Teddy Ruxpin! I just remember you got me the talking Cricket doll. Come to think of it, the fake Care Bears Mom made were pretty cool, too.
PPS: Crap…. Now that I’ve had some time to think, please ignore my grievances in the letter above. Except for maybe the one about Disney.
And the Power Wheels. I’d still accept a Power Wheels for my birthday or Christmas this year. No, I’m not too big. I’ll make it work.