Another title I considered was, “I’m an A$$,” but I like to avoid profanity, so I almost went with “I’m an Idiot.” Or insert “Jerk.”
On the phone last night Puddin’ and I were discussing the differences between men and women. Women–meaning Puddin’ and I–tend to overthink things, where men tend not to think at all. (Just kidding…please don’t write me nasty comments.)
Little did I know that when I hung up the phone, I would become a real-time, real-life example.
After breakfast on Sunday, I had breakfast with Kiefer Sutherland, Boo, and Radley, but then we went our separate ways with Kiefer Sutherland promising to call me later.
Here’s how my thoughts went later that day.
5:00 PM: I skipped lunch, and now I’m starving. Should I eat dinner or wait and eat with Kiefer and the boys?
5:12 PM: I’ll just have a small salad.
5:21 PM: I’ll just have a small bowl of soup, too.
5:26 PM: Screw it. Where’s the ice cream?
5:31-6:51 PM: Phone call with Puddin’.
6:52 PM: I call Kiefer, but he doesn’t answer. Grrrrr….
Explanation of Growl: I don’t expect Kiefer to answer the phone every time I call. Yes, I do. But Kiefer Sutherland is leaving for Africa the next day, and I want to see him before he leaves.
6:53 PM: I leave a slightly annoyed voice mail that goes something like this: “Hey, I was just calling to see what you were up to. I thought I was going to see you before you left, but the day is nearly over, so let me know what you’re up to or…I don’t know because yeah…I don’t know, yeah. Bye.”
Explanation of Voice Mail: I hate leaving voice mails. And the above message is exactly why I hate leaving messages. I ramble ,and my sentences are often incoherent.
Kiefer calls me back in 5 minutes, and when I ask him if I get to see him before he leaves, he says, “I think I can do lunch tomorrow.”
My Thoughts: Lunch? Lunch? I’ll shove lunch up your….
My Words: “So I’m a little annoyed with you. Do you even want to see me before you leave?”
In turn, Kiefer gets annoyed with me, and then says, “I have a plan. Can I call you right back?” When we get off the phone, I start crying.
My Thoughts: A plan? What kind of a plan can be carried out in just a few minutes? Why doesn’t he want to see me? The only explanation is that he hates me. He’s going to Africa to get away from me; it’s not really a business trip at all. Oh my god, the world is ending!
That’s when all sense returns. Seriously? Crying? He hates me? What the heck is wrong with me?
This post is getting long. Short version, Kiefer gets a sitter for the boys, so we can have some time just me and him before he leaves. Hence, the I’m-a-Jerk in the running for the post title.
I tend to cry at little things. What’s with that? I wasn’t like that as a child. Even as a baby, I didn’t cry much. Am I going through the crying stage late in my life? Or maybe it’s premenopause.