My Cat, The Panty Thief

Long ago my cat revealed herself as that mysterious force that steals a sock from the laundry. All this time I thought the dryer was eating my socks. Not so. My cat Esme was actually swiping socks from the laundry basket when I wasn’t looking.

Once done having her way with them, sometimes she leaves them scattered randomly around my apartment, but more often than not, she drags them under my bed. To date, I’ve found numerous socks, two stuffed animals, three hair clips, and one blueberry muffin–all courtesy of the Queen of Mischief and Thievery, Esme.

Yesterday she did the unthinkable: She swiped a pair of my underwear.

Let me start at the beginning. Yesterday I did my laundry, my intimates to be exact. I use my apartment complex’s laundry room. Usually no one else is in there.

That was not the case yesterday. Unfortunately, when I went to switch my clothes from the washer to the dryer, some guy was in there doing his laundry as well. So I’m taking my time because I really don’t want him to see all my panties as I toss them from the washer to the dryer.

Inevitably I’d leave a panty trail, and not knowing what clothing I’d dropped, he’d probably pick them up, and then we’d have a horribly embarassing moment as a complete stranger handed me back my panties. Awk-ward.

He was taking for-ev-er, so I finally decided I would just take my underoos back to my apartment and hang them up to dry.

Huge mistake. Esme jumped up onto the couch, snatched a pair of my undies from the basket, and then proceeded to taunt me with them. Yes, she taunted me.

Esme: Ha-ha-ha-ha, look what I have! I don’t know what they are, but it’s obviously something I’m not supposed to have.

She ran around the apartment for a minute or so before finally scampering under the bed, where I not only retrieved my underwear but another sock as well.

Anyways, if you’re missing any socks or underwear, Esme probably took them. I don’t know how she got out (she’s sneaky), but I apologize for Esme’s klepto behavior.

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

6 responses to “My Cat, The Panty Thief

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