Let’s Move In Together…Or Not

So Kiefer Sutherland told me he’s not ready to move in together, leaving me crushed. I went through (and am still going through) a range of emotions. My first reaction was to cry.

I hate crying. So messy. But that didn’t last very long before I switched over to seething anger.

I hate being angry. Not that anyone likes it, but I tend to think about my mom when I’m angry. She was a yeller. Don’t get the wrong idea; I love her. And you know how people say you end up like your parents? For the most part, I’m ok with turning out like my mom, but yelling is one thing I’d like to do without. 

Kiefer Sutherland and I managed to discuss this issue without me yelling, which was cool since we never really fight…and you know, the fact that I wanted to strangle him.

So why did he change his mind? There are a few reasons.

  1. When we started looking at houses, the whole thing became very real to him. He’s not ready to move out the house where Boo and Radley were born. Seriously? Dude, it’s a house, I’m a person. Stupid house…
  2. He owns his house, and he feels like renting is taking a step backwards, finding a renter would be difficult, covering a mortgage and rent would be difficult, etc. Financial issues. Ok, this I totally understand. It’s a legitmate concern. And, just  between us, the house isn’t that fantastic so I could see where finding a renter is going to be difficult.
  3. He’s scared of my timeline.

My timeline. Yes, I have a “schedule” for my life. I feel like between 2-3 years is a good time for people to get engaged. I feel like that’s the norm. And 32 is my pregnancy age. Menopause hits early in my family, so I don’t want to take any chances.

Discussions have gone on here and there for a couple weeks now. I tend to overreact, and I don’t want to do that. I’m also a pretty firm believer in once you break up with someone, there’s no getting back together. 

So I’ve been giving this whole thing ALOT of thought, but two things keep running  through my head.

  1. To quote the book, he’s probably “just not that into me.”
  2. If he changed his mind about this, is he going to change his mind about wanting more children?

With both of these thoughts spinning around in my mind so much they were making me dizzy, during one of our discussions I actually told Kiefer we needed to break up. There. I had given him an easy out.

An out that apparently he didn’t want. He loves me, he wants to be with me, he still wants to a child with me, he just needs more time. So where’s the book on that one?

Now I’m between a rock and a hard place. I’m a planner. Is it possible to not plan your love life?

One tiny voice is telling me to cut and run (which I’m good at). But Diana Ross is singing in my ear that you can’t hurry love. But how much time is enough?

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

6 responses to “Let’s Move In Together…Or Not

  • letsshop2gether

    I know this is hard but take a step back and try not to look at this as something that needs to meet a timeline. I’m a planner too but some things just need to run its course. You can’t put a timeline on relationships- it depends on where both people are in their lives. My husband and I were together for 5 years before we got engaged and another year until the wedding. In 2 weeks we celebrate our 10th wedding/16th anniversary. If he wasn’t into you you would know it. There are no guarantees so it’s better he knows what he wants and lives by that. If he went through with this now only to resent you later it would end up badly. It might work out to your advantage- if u moved in together he would likely then put off the engagement even longer with the “Why ruin a good thing?” theory. Now, he knows not to take you for granted.

  • maressasb

    Oh, I’m so with you!! I am a total planner, and my boyfriend of 3+ years (who I live with and whose Jewish parents constantly nag him to pop the Q) is Mr. Fly By the Seat of His Pants. lol There should be a book on the fine line when it comes to giving him ‘more time’… Patience is important, yes, but no one wants to be Jen Aniston’s character in He’s Just Not That Into You, the Movie.

    • thoughtsappear

      I’m not alone! My boyfriend’s a huge procrastinator, and that worries me…alot. Aniston’s character is the one who was with her boyfriend for like 8 years or something, right? I haven’t seen that movie since it came out.

  • zfriend

    I’m sure everything will fall into place for you. Just always follow your gut feeling and trust yourself 🙂

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