So Kiefer Sutherland told me he’s not ready to move in together, leaving me crushed. I went through (and am still going through) a range of emotions. My first reaction was to cry.
I hate crying. So messy. But that didn’t last very long before I switched over to seething anger.
I hate being angry. Not that anyone likes it, but I tend to think about my mom when I’m angry. She was a yeller. Don’t get the wrong idea; I love her. And you know how people say you end up like your parents? For the most part, I’m ok with turning out like my mom, but yelling is one thing I’d like to do without.
Kiefer Sutherland and I managed to discuss this issue without me yelling, which was cool since we never really fight…and you know, the fact that I wanted to strangle him.
So why did he change his mind? There are a few reasons.
- When we started looking at houses, the whole thing became very real to him. He’s not ready to move out the house where Boo and Radley were born. Seriously? Dude, it’s a house, I’m a person. Stupid house…
- He owns his house, and he feels like renting is taking a step backwards, finding a renter would be difficult, covering a mortgage and rent would be difficult, etc. Financial issues. Ok, this I totally understand. It’s a legitmate concern. And, just between us, the house isn’t that fantastic so I could see where finding a renter is going to be difficult.
- He’s scared of my timeline.
My timeline. Yes, I have a “schedule” for my life. I feel like between 2-3 years is a good time for people to get engaged. I feel like that’s the norm. And 32 is my pregnancy age. Menopause hits early in my family, so I don’t want to take any chances.
Discussions have gone on here and there for a couple weeks now. I tend to overreact, and I don’t want to do that. I’m also a pretty firm believer in once you break up with someone, there’s no getting back together.
So I’ve been giving this whole thing ALOT of thought, but two things keep running through my head.
- To quote the book, he’s probably “just not that into me.”
- If he changed his mind about this, is he going to change his mind about wanting more children?
With both of these thoughts spinning around in my mind so much they were making me dizzy, during one of our discussions I actually told Kiefer we needed to break up. There. I had given him an easy out.
An out that apparently he didn’t want. He loves me, he wants to be with me, he still wants to a child with me, he just needs more time. So where’s the book on that one?
Now I’m between a rock and a hard place. I’m a planner. Is it possible to not plan your love life?
One tiny voice is telling me to cut and run (which I’m good at). But Diana Ross is singing in my ear that you can’t hurry love. But how much time is enough?