Lately I’ve been feeling a little neglected by Kiefer. With work trips and then family trips, he and I haven’t had much time without Boo and Radley around, so that factor (coupled with the are-we-or-aren’t-we-moving-in together stress) is taking its toll. Especially since we were supposed to talk on Sunday and then didn’t really talk much at all due to Boo and Radley.
But I guess that’s what it’s like to have children. They’re always around. But at least people with children live together, so they get alone-time to talk about adult stuff after kids are in bed.
So here’s hoping this blog doesn’t come off like I’m insensitive and complaining about Boo and Radley. Because I’m not. I love hanging out with those little guys.
The title of this blog is a little deceiving. It asks, “Who’s On First?” I know who’s on first in our relationship, it’s always Kiefer’s sons. I knew that going into the relationship, and I spent some time trying to figure out if I could really deal with that. Because years ago, when I was with Mephistopheles, I couldn’t deal with it. And then he decided not to tell me he had a daughter, and it all went downhill from there.
But I digress. One of the things that I like about Kiefer is that he is a good father and he’s devoted to his children. That’s how he should be. But when I’m upset about something (that happens very rarely, I’m probably the most low maintenance girlfriend ever), I hate feeling like I can’t talk to Kiefer because Boo and Radley are around. Then my feelings get bottled up, and then I cry. And when I cry, it’s not pretty. I sob, snot runs everywhere, sometimes, I resort to stuffing tissues up my nose, I’m unable to eat for the rest of the day, and I hate it. Then I don’t want to be around Boo and Radley because I don’t want them to see me upset, so I hang out at my apartment, which means I don’t see Kiefer or Boo and Radley, which makes me feel even worse.
I recently read this post by someone else. And I liked what she said about how she didn’t want to start out being someone’s second. It’s made me think a lot. I put Kiefer first, but he’ll always put me second (hopefully a close second, but lately I’m not even feeling like I’m in the same game). Am I ok with that?