Patience is a Virtue…That I Don’t Possess

Easter is going to suck this year. Because Easter will probably make or break Kiefer and I’s relationship.

We’ve been talking about moving in together for about 9 months, but something always comes up. Vacations over the summer stopped us from really looking, then it was winter and we didn’t want to move in the snow, we found a house but someone else snatched it before we could drop off applications, and then Kiefer had a bunch of work trips, so now that spring has rolled around I’ve been pretty anxious to get moving with the moving.

For 4 days I nagged Kiefer to let me know what days he would be free to look at houses, and for 4 days he kept saying he was too busy running Boo and Radley to baseball practices and forgot to check his calendar.

I’m not a nagger. I don’t nag. My future children will be in for a treat because I’m not someone who believes she should have to ask more than once. Why then does Kiefer get 4 chances?

My entire weekend was spent bouncing back and forth between lividness, tears, and the feeling that worried me the most: apathy. At the point that I don’t care or was expecting that to happen, what does that really say about Kiefer and I’s relationship?

Saturday night I was supposed to go over to Kiefer’s house to talk after the boys were asleep. Because I can count on one hand the number of fights that Kiefer and I have had, any disagreement that we do have, I always end up crying. And I don’t want to get upset in front of Boo and Radley. Shortly before I’m supposed to go over, Kiefer calls saying that Boo broke his foot and they’ve been at the emergency room. Poor little guy! Probably not a good time for Kiefer and I to have a serious discussion.

So our talk was postponed until Sunday afternoon. Amazingly, I manage to say everything with only minimal tears. Then Kiefer reveals he doesn’t feel like he’s in a position to move right now.

And my heart shattered. I suspected that was coming, but even when you’re expecting it, it feels completely different to actually hear it outloud. He apologized, said he loves me, and wants me to wait just a little longer, be a little more patient. Unfortunately, I feel like I’m out of patience.

It was a hard afternoon for both of us. Kiefer even resorted to bribing. If I wait for him just a little longer, he has promised me a Europe vacation and the right to decorate our new place however I want. There were a few light-hearted moments because when we fight, we always end up joking around trying to make the other one smile. Usually he does that more than me, I’m a pouter.

Ever the planner, I told him I need a timeframe for when we can actually move in together. I need something to look forward to. So Kiefer is taking this week to come up with a tenative date for our move.

So now I just have to decide how much longer I can be patient. Probably not much longer.

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

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