Tag Archives: You Can Buy My Friendship With Ice Cream

Thanksgiving-Themed Frozen Yogurt: Creamed Corn?

In case you didn’t know, my blogger-buddy Misty had a baby. And although I plan to descend upon her and the baby (aka possibly Scout’s future boyfriend) soon, we tried* to squeeze in one more prebaby date.

*The Braxton Hicks decided to trick Misty, so we didn’t meet.

So we were going to meet for frozen yogurt. A dessert fiend and a pregnant lady. Where else would we go? Duh.

As I scoped out the flavors online, I ran across this flavor:

WTF.

Reeeeeeeeeally. Creamed corn frozen yogurt.

Who decided that was a good idea?

Veggies and dessert do not mix—That comes from someone who claims her PB&J is a fruit because it contains strawberry jelly.

And why does it say it contains milk? It should say, “Contains Corn.”

What’s the funkiest flavor yogurt you’ve tried?


More Snow? Screw TP! We Need Booze!

You’ve probably heard about the crazy cold weather we’ve been experiencing this winter.

Because expected snowfall maps in inches have been done to death, this is the new snow map:

I live in the “15 cases” region. Since I’m pregnant, this map makes me a little sad. I haven’t found a hot chocolate equivalent map.

But we have ice cream and Girl Scout cookies, so we’ll be fine.

Up until this point, the snow we’ve gotten has been manageable. Sure, the kids haven’t had a full week of school since Thanksgiving, but inchwise, we haven’t gotten more than 6-8 inches of snow with each storm.

All of that changes today. I can no longer see the tires on Kiefer’s car. That’s how much we have right now, and it’s still coming down. How tall are Honda Accord tires?

What does that mean exactly?

It means bread, milk, and TP will be worth more than gold for the next few days.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Have you considered dressing like that for the remainder of the pregnancy?”—Omawarisan


Not on Apple Dumpling Day

Dear Baby,

It’s fall. You know what that means?  It’s overstuff-yourself-with-yummy-dessert season.* This season begins on Halloween and runs until the last Christmas cookie is dipped in hot chocolate and devoured.

*Pumpkin pie is not included in this season in our house. In fact, even uttering the word “pumpkin” will get you a mouth full of soap.

Up until this point, I’ve tolerated your fruity cravings and indulged you with popsicles instead of ice cream. But now…now we need to talk.

While I appreciate that you’re no longer squishing my bladder, I’m asking you to occasionally stop squishing my stomach. If that means returning to bladder bouncing, so be it.

The other day work was selling warm, homemade apple dumplings. Warm. Homemade. As if that wasn’t enough, a scoop of vanilla ice cream graced the top and meltily trickled down the sides.

And I couldn’t finish it.

Lucky for you, no one saw the leftover goodness in my trashcan.

Thanksgiving is just over a week away. Step up your game. We have a reputation to uphold.

Sincerely,

Your Mama

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “My favorite response from IT is ‘I realize you’re young and tech savy, but my boss remembers when the technology of calculators could run the space missions; and I’m being recorded, so as much as I hate it, I need you to unplug the computer and plug it back in.’”—The Jessence


It Feels Good to be a Gangsta

Whenever I see other bloggers, we tend to exchange gifts. Usually people give me Pop-Tarts, and I give…booze.

And I don’t do the classy thing and give a nice bottle of wine, I give flavored liquor…in tiny bottles…to carry in your purse and whip out in an emergency.

Why? Because you never know when you’ll need a shot of vodka…to sterilize a zombie bite. Obviously.

Are you following my logic here? Probably not. Just know that on this blog, everything comes down to 3 5 things:

  • Zombies
  • Pop-Tarts
  • Dessert
  • Key Lime Pie Martinis
  • Gifts for Me

Anyways…last weekend was all about Pop-Tarts and Gifts for Me.

pop-tarts

Misty made me homemade Fig and Bacon Pop-Tarts.

I was so impressed with the homemadeness I blocked out the bacon part. You see…

Confession #1: I don’t really like bacon.

GASP! There are only 2 exceptions.

  1. The first is the bacon that’s crumbled up on salads that’s covered in so much brown-sugary-maple goodness that all you taste is sugar.
  2. The second is this:

bacon1

Hesitant Bite #1

bacon2

Need-a-Bigger-Mouth Bite #2

That’s right, Misty. Your Pop-Tart was yummy. I mean that in a undirty, uncreepy way.

But wait…that’s not all. I got even more Pop-Tarts! Some from Misty and more from The Hipster. (Note: I did not give The Hipster booze. I gave her cookies.)

pop-tart1

The Hipster and I also had the 3 Cs this weekend: crab, chocolate, and ice cream. Life is good.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta Pop-Tartsta.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Honestly, if you’re being attacked by a shark, you’re pretty screwed no matter how many heads it has. (Except zero. If a zero headed shark attacks you, you’ll probably be OK.)”—The Cutter Rambles


Where in the World Is Carmen San Diego?

I am about to become a real-life Carmen San Diego. Except I won’t be a villain. I’ll just be traveling…a lot. Like a lot-a lot.

I wonder if she’s with Waldo….

Here’s a few of my upcoming trips, so feel free to post suggestions of what I should do while I’m there.

I won’t have a lot of free time, so you should probably just post directions to the best ice cream shops.

Right Now/Week 1: San Antonio

Week 2: Reno

Week 3: The Florida Keys (for vacation, not work)

Week 4: Alabama

Week 5: Exhaustion

Oh wait…so that last one’s not a real place, but you get the idea.


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