Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

“That’s the good thing about hanging out with bloggers. Most of them are kind of f-cked up in the same way you are.”—The Bloggess

Have you read any posts by The Bloggess? Have you read her book: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson?

On Sunday Misty (go to her blog for autographed stuff)  and I met The Bloggess. Here’s how it went down:

Thoughtsy: Oh my gosh, it’s so nice to meet you!

Jenny: It’s nice to meet you! What’s in the gift bag? Alcohol? Kittens?

Thoughtsy: Kitten-related stuff. And a shirt like mine so we can be twinsies. Sooooo…do you like my shirt?

That last part is not true. I tug on my shirt when I’m nervous…it’s my Mary Catherine Gallagher nervous trait.

Hi, I’m Thoughtsy. You’re awesome. Please accept this humble offering. BTW…Do you like my shirt?

If you haven’t read Jenny’s book, you should. It’s been on the New York Times Bestseller’s List for a month. If you’re still not convinced, maybe some bullets Movies-Teach-Us-style will persuade you.

Here’s what I learned from the book:

• Star Wars is not a documentary.
• Bobcats make good house pets.
• “Intestines” is French for “poop rope.”
• Feral cats are actually vampire cougars.
• Drugs make your boobies fall off.
• Licking wine off your arm is classy.

Well, Jenny, you’ve just met the classiest person to ever walk the earth.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “So glad I didn’t have to read that headline and say, ‘Oh, I knew Thoughtsy, and this is a set up…she would NEVER pee in the woods!’ Glad you lived to tell the tale yourself!”—Suzicate

Raise Your Pop-Tart to EduClaytion

Today is a sad, sad day. You’ve probably heard about the end of EduClaytion.

Clay and I had some good times.

• He guest posted about The Matrix.
• He said I was the female Chuck Norris.
• Clay teased me about the Ravens.
• Clay jinxed The Steelers and had to watch Mamma Mia—his new favorite movie.

“Clay” joined me for breakfast the other day to break the End-of-Educlaytion news to me. I was so distraught not even Pop-Tarts could cheer me up.

Here’s the video. (Don’t judge my acting skills. I was a techie!)

Clay and Stitch are related. See the resemblance?

Farewell, Educlaytion. You will be missed.

I Said “Just a Bite”

Homonyms: Words with the same pronunciation but different meanings.

Me: Maybe we should watch an adult movie tonight.

Kiefer: What? ::realizing I’ve never suggested watching an “adult movie”:: Really?

Me: Yeah. Like a noncartoon movie since the boys aren’t here.

Kiefer: Oh….

This homonym meant disappointment for Kiefer.

—

Synonyms: Different words with similar meanings.

Me: May I have a bit of your cotton candy bar?

Kiefer: Sure. You can have a bite.

This synonym meant disappointment for me. Because, to me, a “bit” means “half.”

PS: I have 3 words for you concerning cotton candy bars’ tastiness: Cotton. Candy. Crack.

Favorite Comments From Previous Post:

• “What kind of cheap date is a canoe ride in a polluted lake? Where’s the yacht, with the champagne and cheese and strawberries? I’m pretty sure this dream is warning you to keep your standards high.”—Queen Gen
• “Dreaming of Cee Lo and otters has a really interesting interpretation. It means you were a mermaid in a previous life and sort of promiscuous. Shocking, I know.”—Linda Medrano

I Spy With My Little Eye

…a Thundercats car! Thundercats, hoooooooooo! I sent the picture to Misty if you want to see it. There’s also a zombie hearse and a SheGoat car. Seriously.

You may or may not have noticed new stuff on the blog this week.

Don’t feel bad if you didn’t notice. I’m the least observant person ever.

This happens all the time:

Thoughtsy: Oh my gosh…how long has that massive building been there?

Answer: Like 3 years.

However, this also happens:

Thoughtsy: Oh my gosh, a new ice cream shop! How long has that been there?

Answer: They just started construction this morning.

What can I say? I have selective vision. And priorities.

So…back to the changes.

First, I’m on Twitter now. You can follow me by clicking the button near the top of the right column.

Second, you leave the best comments, and I want to give you props.

I’ll post a favorite comment from the previous day’s post at the bottom of the next post…when I remember. I went back and added some to the posts this week. Thanks, Oh Noa, for the idea!

Favorite Comment from Previous Post: “Love, love, love this movie. Especially that one part and the other part and pretty much all the parts.”—Clay Baboons

11 Things About You and Me

Tag, you’re it! Britt, Marina, Curly Carly, and then Misty all tagged me, and I’ve finally put down my Pop-Tart to respond. (You know I didn’t really put it down, right? I’m just typing one-handed.)

Rules:

1. You must post the rules.
2. Post eleven fun facts about yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
4. Tag eleven people and link them on your post.
5. Let them know you’ve tagged them.

Rather than answer 44 questions and giving you 44 fun facts, I’m answering a few questions from each blogger and counting the answers as my 11 fun facts and answers.

It’s not cheating. It’s a loophole. Lawyered! Besides whatcha gonna do about it? Call the blog police?

Do you floss? If not, do you lie to your dentist about it?

Yes. Depends…Are you my dentist?

If Dirk Nowitzki asked you to play him in a game of basketball, would you jump at the chance or decline to prevent eventual humiliation?

Dirk who? Is he cute?

Do you think dogs know the difference between male and female humans?

Yes. Because only male dogs sniff my crotch.

Are you getting enough fiber? Are you?

Yes…wait…How much fiber is in this Pop-Tart?

How will you survive the zombie apocalypse?

I got mad skillz. Plus I’m training Esme the cat to be a zombie-killing ninja.

Do you remember your dreams?

I remember them when I first wake up. By lunch time, I can’t remember them.

What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

The guy who complimented my arms.

You are driving. Someone flips you off. What is the best reaction?

Smile and wave. That really pisses them off.

Would you travel to the future or the past?

The past. I prefer the known over the unknown.

What would you love to be doing on Friday night?

I know a lot of people like to go out on Friday night, but I’d rather go out Saturday night and spend Friday night in my fake pants on my couch.

Why won’t Christina Aguilera just cover it up already?

Priorities. She needs to learn the words to the National anthem first. One step at a time.

Now for my questions. Answer them very, very carefully. You will be graded.

1. Pop-Tarts: frosted or unfrosted?
2. What age would you want to stay forever?
3. Do you think I’m pretty? You can use this picture as a reference.
4. Where’s Waldo?
5. What’s your favorite quote?
6. Name one food you’ve never tried…and don’t want to.
7. Do you believe in the tooth fairy?
8. If you could change your first name, what would it be?
9. If you could be any animal, what would you be?
10. Who shot the sheriff?
11. How much money would you need to quit your job for one year?

Now for the blogs I’m tagging:

• Me, Myself, and I
• Go Guilty Pleasures
• West End Singleton
• Victoria Writes
• The Idiot Speaketh
• Miss Four Eyes
• Ring Finger Tanline
• You Fancy Me Mad
• The Serenity Game
• Much More Merrier
• Monica’s Tangled Web