Tag Archives: The Steelers Stink

A Visit to Zoobilee Zoo…in Pittsburgh

Want to join me on a safari? But I’m warning you right now, it’ll be dangerous.

Cat fights…

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Leopard: If you take me home, I’ll eat Esme Kitty for breakfast.

Close calls…

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Deery Lou: Your sweater sleeve tastes soooooo good!

Violence…

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Peacock: Thoughtsy, I’m here to help you get over your fear of birds…and then I’m going to knock you unconscious with my massive tail feathers and peck your face off.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Cupcakes are being melted and dangled all over the place here, Thoughtsy! I just can’t handle the cupcake abuse!”-Daile


The Sweet Sound of Victory: Mamma Mia!

Remember when the Ravens beat the Steelers? Remember when Clay and I bet on that game? Remember when I sent Clay Skittles Fruity Pebble treats even though Clay lost the bet cause I’m nice like that?

Remember when Clay lost the bet so he had to watch Mamma Mia and write a Movies Teach Us post for me?

You don’t? You don’t remember because that day is TODAY.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you what Clay learned from Mamma Mia.

I’m about to watch the worst movie of all time. There’s a trailer for a Beethoven the dog movie, and I’m actually sad that I’m not watching it instead.

This is my "I'm not happy about this" look.

Commercial for Mamma Mia the Broadway show says that 32 million have already seen it. I guess that’s 32 million people who will never want to buy anything I write.

Well, there’s the title screen. Guess I’ll have to hit play now. Just realized this is the first time in 13 years that I’ve watched all the trailers and commercials on a DVD. Guess I’m in denial.

It’s kind of like when I was a kid and had to take cough medicine.

I’m trying to think of all the movies Meryl Streep has been in that I’ve liked. So far I’ve come up with zero. I’ll have to check IMDB to see what I’m forgetting.

I remember Remington Steele* a little from when I was a kid. I wish this was that.

Okay, time to start the disaster show. Here’s what I learned from Mamma Mia!

And we have a Firth sighting. Calm down, Ironic Mom.

So I should point out to all the people that tried to convince me this movie was good because it’s all Abba songs. That didn’t help. Like not even in the slightest bit.

And we’re into the first musical number. It’s like the anti-Grease, like if I slipped into a parallel dimension where everything went wrong, Mamma Mia! would’ve been made instead of Grease.

Okay, I just picked up on the plot. Mom used to sleep with so many people that daughter doesn’t know which one’s her dad. Looks like it could be James Bond, King George, or Bootstrap Bill.

So the bride’s giddy with excitement for her fiancé’s bachelor party. Yeah, that happens.

Meryl Streep’s the only female who doesn’t look weird when she runs in this movie.

Three men, one dinghy. Less complicated than it sounds. They’ll get there eventually.

There’s an outside chance that Colin Firth can make me laugh at some point during this film.

Oh, hey they’re singing “Dancing Queen,” and I actually know this song! Yeah, that doesn’t make it any more bearable.

Okay, now it’s a parade of dancing women. And I don’t mean that in the way that could be exciting. At all. If I had to guess I’d say this number was choreographed by either Elton John or Satan.

Okay, I’m gonna give props to Streep for a wicked cannonball off the pier there.

You might think that Pierce Brosnan’s singing voice isn’t as bad as people say. You would be wrong.

Now it’s a dancing line of half-naked men on the pier. I was wrong before; this is definitely the work of Elton John.

Just checked IMDB to see which good Meryl Streep movies I was forgetting. Turns out I completely forgot about none. She’s literally never been in a good movie.

Still trying to figure out who the demographic was for this movie. Not sure yet but I bet it had something to do with potential alternatives to water boarding terrorists.

I may or may not have taken a 10-hour break from this atrocity movie.

And we have dancing men in masks. Oh good.

There’s a metaphor in here about the fact that this girl wants a father and yet three different men want to “give her away.”

Okay, chick blowout. Drama builds. Sort of.

Brosnan is singing again. Blarg. I don’t know what’s more painful, watching him sing or the ladies picking a fight with each other.

This Christine Baranski dance number is really just freaking me out. It can’t possibly get any worse than this. Can it?

I needed something to distract me from yet another song, so I checked out Box Office Mojo to see how much money this movie actually made. Shocking. $144 million in America, over $600 million worldwide. I just threw up in my brain a little.

FINALLY, the wedding is starting. I hope there’s lots of sappy crying moments. I was literally in a big fat Greek wedding once. Well, my friend’s weren’t fat. I was the best man. We didn’t sing at all.

They’re singing again already! Come on. Musicals should be like sex: You need at least ten minutes in between performances.**

So THAT’s the secret of the Firth. Oooooohhhhhh…

Okay, ensemble festivity dancing in water main break. This has all the makings of a closing number. Please Lord, let this be the closing number.

And there goes Pierce Brosnan’s shirt. Because why not?***

CREDITS! So is this the part where everyone in the theater jumps up and starts singing and dancing?

And they just went into another number. My testosterone levels are in real jeopardy here. I’m gonna go eat a raw steak and punch the first man I see today.

Grease is still the word. And I’m never betting again.

Thanks, Clay, for the guest post! It was a pleasure betting with you. When do the Ravens and Steelers play again?

*Remington Steele? I’ve never even heard of that. How old are you, Clay?

**Ten  minutes between songs and sex? That must be a guy thing….

***::shudder:: And not the good kind of shudder.


Eating Pop-Tarts Could Save Your Life

Finally…after months of a Pop-Tart-free diet…I caved.

What was the cause of demise? Multiple factors.

  • Closure of the Pop-Tarts store in NYC.
  • Halloween candy withdraw.
  • Stress about the Ravens-Steelers game.
  • Stress about being trapped in a wrecked car for days and starving to death.

That actually almost happened to a little girl. Do you know what probably saved her life (besides the seatbelt)?

Pop-Tarts.

True story. And that is why you should carry Pop-Tarts with you at all times. All times, people. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

You know what else made me give in to Pop-Tart consumption?

A new flavor Pop-Tart: Baby Seal Sugar Cookie.

That’s right. I tore open my Pop-Tart to package only to be face-to-face with a baby seal…in a hat…waving at me.

Baby Seal: Hello! (Baby Seal sounds like Mr. Bill.)

Me: Hello….

Baby Seal: Why are you looking at me like that?

Me: Like what?

Baby Seal: Like that! Like you’re going to eat me.

Me: ::evil grin::

Baby Seal: NOOOOOOOOOO! I could be your new Pete!*

Me: Nice try, Baby Seal. But Pete was a penguin…and not made of delicious Pop-Tart. Nom Nom Nom.

*If you’re new around here, you’re probably thinking, Who the hell is Pete?  Pete was a penguin Kiefer got me from Africa. Unfortunately, the original Pete the Penguin was eaten by a shark. But when I visited Tampa, I got to meet Petey Junior, aka RePete.


See That Girl, Watch That Scene

Remember when the Ravens beat the Steelers? Good times, good times.

Let’s just let that sink in for a moment.

Wait…

for…

it….

Ok, moving on. Before the game, I didn’t really know anything about football. I knew…

  • Football is not soccer…unless you’re in a different country. Then it is soccer.
  • A touchdown is worth 6 points.
  • Football players hit each other’s butts. (Has this stopped or are they just not showing it on TV?)

So I did some research. Specifically, on the Ravens and Steelers history.

And by “research,” I mean Googled it and read one article. One article that said this: the Ravens usually beat the Steelers.

That’s how I knew the Ravens would win. And because Clay jinxed it. And because I’m psychic. Seriously.

And now Clay is going to do some research a’ la chick flick style. He lost our bet, so now he has to pay up by watching a chick flick and writing a Movies Teach Us post.

And I’d like the blogger who was closest in her score prediction to announce the movie. A drumroll please for Ironic Mom

Did you see that, Clay? No? What about this one?

Thank you, Leanne!

I’m really happy Leanne won because her team recently lost to Pittsburgh, and she had to endure Clay’s taunting.

If you haven’t already, go check out Ironic Mom’s blog. Here’s why:

  • She’s Canadian, and everyone knows Canadians are super nice.
  • She’s Canadian, and I’ve never heard her say “Eh.”
  • She manages to balance teaching, writing, and twins.
  • She’s working on a book, so she’ll be famous soon, and if you check her out now, you’ll be able to say, I knew her when….

The Power of the Jinx

The Ravens beat the Steelers Sunday night, 23-20. And you know why they won?

Because…

  • I wore purple.
  • I ate Blitzburgh Crunch ice cream.

    A metaphor for Baltimore beating Pittsburgh.

  • I put supportive black stripes on my face.
  • I cheered and danced a little happy dance.
  • I bought Clay Skittles…you know, just in case.

And most importantly…

Because Clay jinxed it.

That’s right, Steelers fans. If you’re looking for someone to blame, Clay’s your man.

If Clay hadn’t jinxed them, the Steelers would have won the game. Why?

Me watching the Ravens should have ensured their loss because I’m bad luck. I confirmed this when I watched my first car race: the one Dale Earnhardt died in. I feel personally responsible.

In case you didn’t watch the game, the Ravens started off strong, and then they got behind. They were losing.

As you can see, I was about to admit defeat, but after a booty shaking rally from me, the Ravens came back and won it…in the last 20 seconds of the game.

And you know what that means: Clay watches a chick flick. But which one? As Dances with Chaos put it, I don’t want Clay to enjoy the chick flick, I want it to make him stab his eyeballs.

Stay tuned for the chick flick final choice and a post singing Ironic Mom’s praises for being the closest to the final score!


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