Tag Archives: Movies

Snow White Was Shorter Than Dopey

Because Kiefer and I are Halloween-obsessed, the day Scout was born (maybe the day after), he declared she would be Carlos for Halloween.

No. Just no.

After buying boy things for Boo and Radley for years, I refused to not have a cute girly outfit for her first Halloween.

So we compromised. She was Carlos just long enough to take one picture, and then she was magically transformed…into Snow White.

snow white

Please excuse the picture quality. Trying to get a baby to sit still and look at the camera is hard enough, let alone fix the lighting.

As you can see, Snow White was actually shorter than the dwarves. She also likes Snickers, not poisoned apples.


It’s Rex Manning Day!

I’m declaring today the official Rex Manning Day.  I can do that. I have that authority.

Now we just have to get the President to declare it a Federal holiday. Please sign the petition by commenting below.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about (::head shaking at you, not with you::)…educate yourselves! Watch Empire Records…since my blog is named after that movie. But if you don’t have that kind of time, at the very least, watch the Rex Manning video.

Please celebrate by saying or doing one or more of the following:

  • The fat man walks alone.
  • Glue quarters to the floor.
  • The time to hesitate is through.
  • Carry around a couch cushion.
  • Leave a red bra on the table of a restaurant.
  • What’s with today today?

Happy Rex Manning Day!


Applying Lyrics From the 90s to My Life: I Saw the Sign

See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, that sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Is it possible that there are no coincidences?—Signs

I believe in signs.

I believe there’s a reason I always said, “There’s no way I’m going back to Kiefer…unless he proposes…with a ring…and has tickets to Vegas.” And then…that happened.

I believe there’s a reason Kiefer and I saw this sign in Washington, DC, on a date after he proposed.

sign

Most signs aren’t this clear.

I believe there’s a reason that a week after I said “Yes,” we finally found a new house.

I believe there’s a reason that a couple months after Kiefer’s proposal we got pregnant…and got this cutie pie:

Rainbow

I like putting her in hats that are too big for her. It makes her head look smaller, which makes my nether regions feel better.

Everyone with me now: I believe I can fly…I believe I can touch the sky….

Sorry. My writing made me channel R. Kelly. If you don’t know the song, don’t tell me. It’ll make me feel old.

Do you see signs?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Those toilets are real time savers though. If you go in with some shampoo, you can squeeze in a quick shower.”—correctionsandclarifications


I’m Not Hungry…I’m Starving!

Before Scout came along, I wasn’t sure what I thought about breastfeeding, especially after someone told me it felt like your nipple was being slammed in a door, but breastfeeding is great for other reasons (besides nutritional value):

  • When you’re tired of visitors, you can hide with the baby in another room and refuse to come out until they leave. Trust me: once the baby is gone, people go home.
  • Your husband has to do the dishes or other chores.
  • Breastfeeding forces you to sit down, relax, and watch a movie for a Movies Teach Us post…even if you only get to watch it in 20-minute segments.

Recently, I watched The Starving Games, which is a spoof of The Hunger Games. Here’s what I learned:

  • People in the Capital dress funny because Lady Gaga was President.
  • In the game lottery, enter names like Hugh Janus and Dean Gillberry. They’re funny when they’re announced.

  • Kantmiss celebrates with a chest bump before volunteering to save her sister.
  • Wedgies can cut you in half. Beware.
  • You can put out an entire forest fire with a fire extinguisher.
  • Angry birds attack in the Starving Games.
  • Kantmiss is invited to join The Avengers.

And most importantly, Chuck Norris doesn’t have a catch phrase because catch phrases need him.*

*Anything about Chuck Norris is always the most important.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I fail to see how donut pants aren’t strategically positioned to be beside the Homer Simpson boxers….”—AbsentElemental


Monday Movie Menagerie: This Post May Save Your Life

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of movies. I’ve also been falling asleep during a lot of movies, which has made writing a Movies Teach Us post difficult.

Here are the bits and pieces of what I’ve learned from the movies I’ve watched over the past month. Feel free to add your own lessons learned.

Hansel and Gretel

  • Never walk into a house made of candy.

Don’t go in. The candy isn’t worth it.

  • If you’re going to kill a witch, set her on fire.
  • Gretel’s a biter.

Red Dawn

  • When stealing supplies, remember the bucket of soda.
  • Living Call of Duty isn’t as much fun as playing it.

The Hangover Part 3

  • You don’t have to have friends to play Word with Friends.
  • Giraffes and bridges don’t mix.

Pretty Woman

  • Your arm from your wrist to your elbow is the same size as your foot. (I checked this on myself. It’s true.)

I saved this Wrong Turn 4 for last because…well…I’m not really sure what I was thinking when I watched it. Has any movie that’s made it to #4 ever actually been good?

It did, however, provide a lesson that I’m sure all of us will use some day.

Wrong Turn 4

  • When inbred cannibals are killing and eating you and your friends, don’t lock them up. Just kill them. It is not the time to pull the “We can’t kill them. We’re not like them” holier-than-thou stance. They will escape and eat you.

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