Say Cheese and Wedgies!

Pop quiz, hot shot! You see someone dressed like the pic below. What do you do? What…do…you…do? (A gold star for anyone who gets the movie reference.)

For the love of God, pick your wedgie!

Hopefully, you answered in one of two ways:

1. Whip out your camera and snap a picture.
2. Stall, stall, stall the specimen while you call Misty to tell her you have an excellent specimen for Weekly Whacked.

I’m working on developing (BWAHAHAHA!) my camera skills, so I don’t have to bother Misty. In the past, when I’ve seen someone dressed funny, I whip out my camera, and then…I chicken out.

Luckily, I got some practice at the Warrior Dash, where people tend to run the obstacle-filled 5k in costumes.

I saw fairies:

Clap your hands so Tinkerbell doesn’t die in the fire!

Some ladies turned it into a formal occasion. Bad idea, ladies! Dresses will hold a lot of mud and weigh you down!

I missed the women running in their wedding dresses.

If you don’t want to run the Warrior Dash, you can “Jump On It” and dance the Tonto like Papa Smurf.

Papa Smurf doing the Tonto dance.

I also saw Ironic Mom’s babysitter.

Cat in the Hat…but I don’t see Thing 1 and Thing 2.

 Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I got the audio book and pretended we were hanging out in the car and Jenny was telling me a story. That’s kind of as weird as showing/not showing her your shirt, right?”—The Suniverse

When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

On Saturday, Kiefer and some friends ran the Warrior Dash; I did not. Because I don’t like mud. Or wet shoes and socks.

Look at how much mud is on Kiefer. ::shudder:: 

No, Kiefer, you will not be receiving a finish line hug from me.

Once we parked, people kept walking by us into the woods. Thinking it was a short cut to the starting line, I headed in to scope it out.

Only it wasn’t a shortcut…it was a bathroom. And not just for guys, women were doing it, too.

Thoughtsy: (running back to Kiefer whispering) Oh my god, people are peeing in there!

That’s when I realized I had to pee. So I had a choice: Wait in a long line at nasty port-a-potties, or drop my pants behind a tree.

I opted for the tree. Because I didn’t want to be seen pantsless To be polite, I waited for everyone else to vacate the woods before heading in.

Do I really want to do this? I can’t even remember the last time I peed in the woods. Why break a 20-year-plus streak? 

Maybe I should ask someone to come with me? Girls pee in pairs, right? And this seems like a horror movie. What if there’s a crazed killer in these woods? I can’t run away with pants around my ankles. I can see the headline now: Blogger Dies In Her Own Pee.

Ewwww…wet grass just touched my ankle. DID SOMEONE ELSE’S PEE JUST GET ON ME?!?! Please be dew, please just be dew…. 

Finally, I did it: I peed behind a tree. Then some lady came traipsing into the woods, so I cut it short. At least my bladder was half empty (this is the only time “half empty” is optimistic).

Afterwards, my only comfort was Kiefer. He’s hoping to go camping soon, and my only input into the trip has been: “There has to be a bathroom and shower.”

Kiefer: I can’t believe you did that. I’m so proud of you. I’m seriously impressed. You just made my day.

I think he’s potty training me to go camping.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Serves them right for eating healthy dessert.”—Miss Four Eyes

Jerry the Vampire

I’ve been so focused on preparing for the zombie apocalypse, I’ll be in big trouble if other creatures (like vampires) attack.

As much as I’d like to turn into a beautiful vampire, the sight of blood really freaks me out.

So I watched Fright Night to prepare for a vampire attack. Here’s what I learned from the movie:

• Guns don’t work unless you have all the pieces.
• Boys will wrap Stretch Armstrong around their balls. Ewwww….
• “Jerry” is a vampire name.
  

  You think just because my name is Jerry I can't drain you dry?

• Almost everyone in Las Vegas is a vampire because they sleep during the day and come out at night.

The most shocking thing I learned from Fright Night is…

Brace yourself.

Twilight is not real.

I know. It surprised me, too.

New Orleans: It Ain’t All Pretty

Despite what you may be thinking, Blarney and I did more than eat alligator and desserts in New Orleans.

We drank…on the go…because you can do that in NOLA.

You know what happens when I drink? Not that. That only happened that one time.

I get immature. And giggle. And then I start taking photos of things like this:

What do you think a Butt Naked scented candle smells like?

Tee hee...The hot sauce says, "Harry Pooter."

And since we’re drinking, how about a drinking game? Like Never Have I Ever. I’ll go first.

Never have I ever…gone to Starbucks in my bathrobe.

This lady has to take a drink.

Dear Diary, Why Is the Rum Gone?

Warning: The movie The Rum Diary is not a prequel to Pirates of the Caribbean. If you’re interested in Captain Jack Sparrow’s adventures while stuck on an island with rum, this is not the movie for you. 

I wish someone had put that warning at the beginning of the movie. But what this movie lacked in Captain Sparrow, it made up for in a different Captain: Captain Rum.

Here’s what I learned from The Rum Diary:

• As long as you have binoculars and a hard-of-hearing neighbor with an open window, you don’t need your own TV.
• A man can look at another man’s junk, but only with a mirror…because he doesn’t look directly at it. His junk is like Medusa.
• Johnny Depp’s superpower is making fully clothed women jump in the shower with him.

Most importantly, I learned that even Johnny Depp’s hotness can’t distract me from icky eye…stuff.

Warning: You may not want to look at the picture below. It isn’t pretty.

From hollywood.com