Tag Archives: 30 Before 30

Nanny Nanny Boo Boo! Stick Your Head in….

Please excuse the regression to my 5-year-old self.

But I’m having an early birthday celebration this weekend! I’m so flippin’ excited that I may pee my pants! Oops…too late…. Apparently bladder control starts to go at age 29.

Seriously.

So you’ll have to do without me for a few days. I know, I know. Deep breaths. 

What? You forgot my birthday was this month? I can’t believe that you would forget something so important. I mean, it’s not like you have your own blogs, lives, children, and pets to take care of or anything. (::head hung in shame:: <–Yours, not mine.)

Anyways, as my early birthday present, please pick one of the following:

  • Search for a Pete, Jr. (I heard Pete was quite the ladies’ penguin.)
  • Bake some cookies (and then send me a sample).
  • Check out my About and Background pages. (I updated them forever ago and then didn’t tell you.)
  • Start a fundraiser for me you and me to go on another cruise.

Now for some serious business.

Serious Business #1: There’s an imposter amongst us. While the Hipster and I were in Ellicott City, we found someone masquerading as The Jolie!

Serious Business #2: Please send wrinkle cream. Apparently my 29-year-old forehead needs some.

Note to self: Never make that face again. It causes wrinkles.


#27. Gaze Into My Crystal Ball and Tell Me What You See

On Sunday the Hipster and I visited Ellicott City where I accomplished #27 on my 30 Before 30 List…twice.

First, I visited Merlin at the Forget Me Not Factory. I figured if anyone could tell me my future, it would be him.

He said, “You’ve been trying to figure out the best time to travel. You’re wondering if a business trip or vacation would be good. You may be wondering if to travel is a better thing than to arrive….”

There’s a lot more about traveling, and then he gave me a card with my lucky numbers: 39, 34, 28, 8, 2, 32.

I’m also happy to report that I didn’t change into a child, like Tom Hanks in Big.

If you’re ever in Ellicott City, go to the historic part of town and visit the Forget Me Not Factory. The stores has tons of fairy stuff, fun toys, and lots of Christmas and Halloween displays.

Next up, the Hipster accompanied me while a psychic read my palm.

She said….

  • I will live to be 85 or 90.
  • I’ll marry my soulmate.
  • I’ll have 2 children.
  • Although there will be some obstacles over the next few months at work and in my relationship, everything will work itself out.
  • My lucky number is 7. Merlin didn’t list 7. Who should I believe?

Hipster, did I forget anything?

The psychic also said that although I listen to people and help them through their problems, very few people listen to me.

Are you listening? Anyone out there? Hello? Hello?! Can you hear me now?


Don’t Read My Lips, Read My Hands

How can you get the instant ability to persuade any man on earth to willingly, happily, and swiftly do your bidding?

That was one of the questions I found in my blog’s search terms. I wish I knew! But I’m pretty sure the answer involves beer and sports.

Many of the questions in my search terms ask how to sign something in American Sign Language (ASL). Mostly, I see this one:

What’s the sign for “Thank You?”

Since FnkyBee and Marina recently posted vlogs, I decided to follow suit. I’m not a huge fan of my voice (I sound like a child), so an ASL vlog is perfect.

ASL Fun Fact #3: Watch the video to learn the sign for “Thank You.”

Translation:

Hi! My name is Thoughtsy. It’s nice to meet you. How are you? I’m excited for my first vlog! You asked me what the sign is for “thank you.” The sign is ::kinda looks like I’m blowing you a kiss::. Later!

Remember ASL Fun Fact #1? Canada uses ASL, too, but if you live in a different country, you have your own sign language. (You can read ASL Fun Fact #2 here.)

ASL Fun Fact #4: When many Deaf people lipread, they only understand about 30%, so it’s not the best form of communication.

PS: I’ve only taken 2 sign language courses, so go easy on me.


How to Ride a Mechanical Bull

Riding a mechanical bull is difficult business. There’s no saddle, stirrups, or horns to help you stay on. (Horns tend to poke drunk people’s eyes out.)

Also, the bull is super smooth and slippery. Imagine a Slip N’ Slide in the shape of a bull and covered in beer instead of water. (Oh, God, I hope it was beer.)

Here are the steps I recommend for maximum riding time:

  1. Start the evening off with a text from The Hipster herself wishing you luck.
  2. Eat a light dinner (so there won’t be much to throw up).
  3. Have a curiously strong drink.
  4. Have 2 more curiously strong drinks.
  5. Wish you’d eaten something more substantial for dinner.
  6. Watch everyone fall off the bull in the first 2 seconds.
  7. Pray that you make it to 3 seconds.
  8. Watch one girl spend 5 minutes just trying to get on the bull.
  9. Pray that you can at least get on the bull.
  10. Tell the operator to take it easy on you because you’re tipsy and will probably fall off before the bull even moves.
  11. Leap onto the bull. (Or if you’re riding with someone else, grab her boobs to sturdy yourself).
  12. Fall off after a few seconds.
  13. Get back onto the bull.
  14. Regret telling the operator that you’re tipsy as he spins you around in circles.
  15. Squeeze your legs with all your might.
  16. Ride the bull’s side because you refuse to admit defeat.

As you can see here, I wasn’t able to stay on the bull very long at all.

That leaves 4 uncompleted activities on my 30 Before 30 list and less than a month to do them. Yikes!


I See Drunk People

Dear Moron in the Annapolis Doubletree Lobby,

Let me introduce myself. Last Friday night, this happened:

Guy in Lobby on Cell Phone: ::attempting to whisper:: There are loud drunk people here.

What I Thought: Where?

What I Said (in a stage whisper): Shhhh…we’re the loud drunk people!

My Analysis

Where to begin…let’s address “loud.”A hotel lobby after midnight is empty and quiet. So in comparison…everything seems loud.

And since I could hear you whispering, you were being loud.

Next, let’s address “drunk.” I heard your little comment, so obviously I was coherent. Perhaps the fact that you thought you were whispering means you, sir, were the Drunky McDrunk.

Clinging to Kiefer didn’t mean I couldn’t walk. I was clinging to his arm because I was freezing my tushie off, and I was trying to absorb all of the heat from his body. (My super power is sucking heat from others.)

And as for my response of “Shhhh…we’re the loud drunk people,” it’s called a “stage whisper” because you want people to hear what you’re saying.

Boo-Yah!

Not Sincerely,

Thoughts

PS: You almost ruined my Doubletree cookie with your nonsense. Almost.

 


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