Category Archives: Life

Applying Lyrics From the 90s to My Life: I Saw the Sign

See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, that sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Is it possible that there are no coincidences?—Signs

I believe in signs.

I believe there’s a reason I always said, “There’s no way I’m going back to Kiefer…unless he proposes…with a ring…and has tickets to Vegas.” And then…that happened.

I believe there’s a reason Kiefer and I saw this sign in Washington, DC, on a date after he proposed.

sign

Most signs aren’t this clear.

I believe there’s a reason that a week after I said “Yes,” we finally found a new house.

I believe there’s a reason that a couple months after Kiefer’s proposal we got pregnant…and got this cutie pie:

Rainbow

I like putting her in hats that are too big for her. It makes her head look smaller, which makes my nether regions feel better.

Everyone with me now: I believe I can fly…I believe I can touch the sky….

Sorry. My writing made me channel R. Kelly. If you don’t know the song, don’t tell me. It’ll make me feel old.

Do you see signs?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Those toilets are real time savers though. If you go in with some shampoo, you can squeeze in a quick shower.”—correctionsandclarifications


My New Car Is Every 16-Year-Old Boy’s Dream

The two cars I’ve owned had only two doors. Since it was just me, I never needed a car with four doors.

Even that one extremely cold night in college when the girls and I decided…

  • Yes, we needed to go to that frat party.
  • Yes, all nine of us.
  • No, we weren’t going to walk even though it was less than a mile.

Don’t judge. It was all uphill, a little snowy, unwalkable in heels, and no one looks cute bundled up in winter gear. Also…

  • No, we couldn’t take two cars.

So all nine of us piled into my Ford Probe. Which was a less cool version of this one this exact one.

How do you get 9 people in that car? Easy: 1 driver, 2 in the passenger seat, 5 in the backseat, and 1 in the trunk.

Alas, those days are long gone. Strapping a baby into a carseat in the back of a two-door with one tween and one teen (who is now taller than me) seemed like a no go.

So Kiefer and I bought a grown-up SUV.

Or so I thought. My grown-up car has mood lighting.

light

How To Get In Someone’s Pants: Use blue mood lighting.

I may have just bought every 16-year-old boy’s dream car.

I’m totally going to get some.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Good news: IKEA sells cats. Bad news: Once you’ve gotten the tabby 3/4′s assembled, they hobble under the sofa, hiss at you and won’t come out.”—1pointperspective


Don’t Upset the Snow Pajama God

Yesterday afternoon we heard we’d get 4-6 inches of snow today.

Last night we heard 6-8 inches of snow.

Kiefer: Since the snow won’t start until mid morning, you may end up going to school but getting released early. So be ready.

Boo: Everybody wear their pajamas inside out tonight. That will guarantee no school or work tomorrow.

Wear your clothes inside out if you want a snow day. Not backwards.

So…

  • Boo wore his pjs inside out.
  • Radley wore his pjs inside out.
  • Kiefer wore his pjs inside out.

Guess who fell sleep wearing their pajamas right side out.

Guess who the only person is who didn’t get out of school or work today.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “The nurses will set up a mirror for you. Maybe you’ll get lucky and it will reflect so much light, your hooha will resemble a blinding portal. My son Kelly looks like he came straight from heaven even though I went through he’ll to give birth to him.”—Susie Lindau


Santa Put Me on the Nice List This Year

I just wanted to show off a few of my favorite Christmas gifts.

Exhibit A: Giant Candy Bar*

*I don’t have a picture of this.

  • Maybe it’s because I keep forgetting to take one and I don’t want to wait any longer on this post.
  • Maybe it’s because I hid it from my stepsons, and now I can’t remember where I put it.
  • Maybe it’s because I already ate it.

The world may never know.

Because every pregnant woman needs a candy bar the length of her arm. This prevents her from actually eating her arm…or someone else’s arm.

Exhibit B: Branded Pillow

pillow

My friend Princess made this for me. Awwww….

Exhibit C: Zombie Baby T-Shirt

zombaby

Because we all know how much I love zombie babies. Thank you, Misty!

What were some of your favorite Christmas gifts that you gave or received?

Favorite Comments From Last Post:

  • “Either pickle juice you try, I relish the idea.”—BluzDude
  • “With a comment like that, I feel as though you may just be jerkin her gherkin.”—AbsentElemental

Hello, IT Help Desk? My Computer Is About to Explode

Lately, work has had network problems. First, the oldest version of Internet Explorer possible was interfering with my blogging market research. Then we couldn’t access our shared drives, and then our printers weren’t working.

Then everyone else could print…except me.

After following the instructions, then trying my own way, and then having a coworker try, I realized it wasn’t something I could fix, and I would need to call the Help Desk.

Ugh.

If you’ve never had to call a Help Desk, this is summary of how that goes:

IT Person: Is your computer on? (This is optimistic. Sometimes they ask if your computer is plugged in.)

Thoughtsy: Yes.

IT Person: Are you sure?

Thoughtsy: Yes.

IT Person: Please confirm that the power icon is lit up.

Thoughtsy: It is.

IT Person: Let’s try restarting your computer.

Thoughtsy: I did that already.

IT Person: Let’s do it again.

Thoughtsy: Ok. It’s back up. (Sometimes I don’t actually restart. If you do this, wait the appropriate amount of time.)

IT Person: Is your computer on?

Thoughtsy: Yes.

IT Person: Please confirm that the power icon is lit up.

Thoughtsy: Yes…no…well, it’s blinking red and smoking. Holy crap! Now it’s spitting out M&Ms. AWESOME!

IT Person: Are you finished?

Thoughtsy: ::head hung in shame:: Yes.

IT Person: Do I have your permission to access your computer remotely?

Thoughtsy: ::closing blog, personal email, and map to buried treasure:: Yes.

Then you watch as the IT person does the exact same thing you tried…and it still doesn’t work.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I don’t know why you can’t just be a REAL woman and drop that thing in the field, then go back to picking cotton. Damn.”—Mistyslaws


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