How Not to Ski

Kiefer and I are going to Wisp for hot chocolate skiing this weekend. I’ve never been skiing, but  I’ve heard getting on and off the lift is tricky.

So I decided to watch Frozen for some tips. Frozen is about 3 skiers who get stuck on a ski lift.

After watching the movie, I really don’t think it’s very accurate. Here’s why:

  • When it starts snowing, the ski resort closes. Isn’t snow ideal weather for skiing?
  • Shawn Ashmore starts to get frostbite. But he’s Iceman from the X-Men! Iceman doesn’t get frostbite.
  • Wolves eat someone. Wolves don’t eat people; they sit on their laps.

Despite the inaccuracies, I did learn a few things:

  • When Dee Snider says, “The last chair is through,” don’t believe him.
  • Don’t jump to the ground from the ski lift. Snow looks fluffy, but it’s not that fluffy.
  • Don’t count on the girl to throw anything. She throws like a girl.
  • Don’t touch the metal bar because you’ll freeze to it. (I think we all learned this from A Christmas Story.)

The most important thing I learned was that if you’re stuck on a ski lift, your best option is to unscrew the bolt. The chair will drop several feet, but a safety cable will keep it from hitting the ground. Once the chair has dropped, you’re at a safe level to jump from.

I probably just saved your life. You’re welcome.

So…like I said…I’m going to a ski resort this weekend to ski drink hot chocolate.

About these ads

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

30 responses to “How Not to Ski

  • Sonja

    Have a great time! I once had to get off the lift with one ski…. yes, ONE ski! I had ice packed under my boot and the ski didn’t snap into place. I didn’t know until I got on the lift and my ski stayed behind. The guy behind me brought it but I still had to get off with only one ski. Let’s just say my ‘hotness’ factor went down significantly! I was not in the snow bunny category any longer! I hope your trip is fantastic! Can’t wait to hear about it :)

  • El Guapo

    Have a great time! I still have the faint hope I’ll be able to get a day in this season…
    And don’t let your friends teach you to ski when you’re drunk!!! Or when they’re drunk!!!
    (Trust me on this one…)

  • becomingcliche

    A common misconception. Wolves do not curl up in people’s laps. They are not pets. Wolves impersonate grandmas and steal baskets of goodies.

  • ryoko861

    LOL!! When getting off the ski lift, keep the tips of your skis up. Not WAY up like pointing the sky, just up enough so you don’t end up digging the tips into the snow when you get off.

    Skiing is like ice skating. But with longer “skates”. If you haven’t ice skated, think roller blading.

    My neighbor when she was little jumped off the ski lift and broke her leg. You’re right, snow is not as fluffy as it looks. I doubt you’ll get stuck.

    Hot chocolate? Pfffft, go for the Tia Maria and coffee!!! I know there’s a name for that but I don’t remember it.

  • Jared

    Haha, I think you’ll enjoy it. I went once. Had a blast falling down. That’s how I stopped and turned corners. Oh, and be sure to get marshmallows in your hot chocolate!

  • Nikitaland

    Good luck & have a great time drinking hot chocolate! I heard that hot chocolate tastes better at a ski resort. Don’t forget to take Jolie with you too – she could help you get off the ski lift if you get stuck!

  • I like boys who wear glasses

    I skied once…

    * I couldn’t make turns, so mainly ended up going downhill full-speed *whhhieeeee* (get out of the waaaaayyy!!!)
    * I was dragged on by the skilift (dangling from the T-bar – tip: do not attempt to SIT on them, there are merely for dragging – somebody could have told me that)
    * I got tricked into going down the most difficult slope (tip: when people persuade you to go down a little further – don’t listen!)
    * I fell onto bodily places you don’t want to fall on (tip: the handle of your ski-stick-thingy..? leaves a nice imprint on your butt when you land on it).
    * Yoga is very usefull as it helps you get out of the most impossible positions you and your skies land themselves into :)

    Next time I will stick to hot chocolate ^_^

    (PS. Downhill skiing is nothing like iceskating. I’m awesome at iceskating (if I remember correctly ;)))

  • John Phillips

    I saw a person slip on a tow rope and get their jacket caught. They were dragged up the hill. She was unhurt, but what a helpless feeling. Right in front of you but you can’t do anything. Have fun, and try not to think of this story,

  • mistyslaws

    Sounds like fun!! We are looking at possibly doing something local and ski-ish for spring break with the kids, so you will have to let me know how you like it. I’m not sure I’ve ever been to wisp. I may have. It’s been a very long time since I’ve skiied. (No idea how to spell that word. Every way looks wrong). And there might possibly have been some drinking involved in my younger years with the skiing, so the memories are a bit fuzzy.

    Have fun!! Drink an extra hot chocolate (extra marshmallows) for me! :)

  • suzicate

    If I was going to a ski lodge it would be to drink hot chocolate, too!

  • Tori Nelson

    I was going to say something like “have fun!” but after these movie lessons I’m thinking “Don’t die & watch out for snow wolves” is more appropriate!

  • Christina

    I have never been skiing, so I have no words of advice. I have, however, seen the movie Frozen and I am afraid for you. I will be waiting anxiously for word you are not stuck on the ski lift peeing on yourself.

  • Angelia Sims

    Seriously? Ski lifts scare the wee out of me and that would probably freeze…

  • Bonnie

    Ski-lifts are my least favorite part of skiing. The height thing, you know. Oh and also not being able to effectively stop while going 40 mph. Have a blast up there!!

  • marinasleeps

    This is why I don’t do cold or anything related to the cold.
    You never know… you know.
    And man, I was totally blindsided about the whole Iceman thing. Man, nothing is sacred anymore!

  • pearlsandprose

    Does Kiefer know how to ski? If not, find a really good instructor so you don’t break something. It is really fun once you get the hang of it!

    I’ve almost forgotten what snow looks like. . . .

  • Linda Medrano

    I’m afraid of heights, so lifts are out of the question for me. I have done cross country and loved it, but it’s exhausting. You are such a dare devil. You rock, Thoughtsy!

  • Kitten Thunder's Girl

    I don’t ski. But I watch peoples’ things in the lodge like a champion.

  • Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

    I’ve been skiing once and the chairlift was by far the trickiest part for me. That and going down the small hill to get to the lodge, but I powered through because that’s where the hot chocolate was.

  • Choc Chip Uru

    Have an awesome time – I saw photos from this film and all I could think of was how adorable the wolves were – oops ;)
    Have fun hot chocolate dri… I mean skiing :D

    Cheers
    Choc Chip Uru

  • gojulesgo

    hahaha that movie sounds a lot like my one and only skiing experience.

    Er…have fun? ;)

  • monicastangledweb

    Hope you have fun! I’m scared of racing downhill, but, when I lived in Seattle, I used to enjoy cross-country skiing. As long as I wasn’t falling, that was a lot of fun.

  • Laura

    You’re way better-informed than I was the first (and last) time I went skiing. I was halfway up the chair lift when I found out that it doesn’t stop to let you off (it was on a beginner’s slope, so it actually was stopping pretty frequently as people fell getting off).

  • Eric Murtaugh

    Awesome. Thanks for the chuckles. That movie looks so dumb. Sadly, I would probably watch it though. Hey, you need to be as prepared as possible, right?

  • Brittany

    hahahahahahahaha. I dread getting off the ski lift almost every time. I snowboard, so my legs are on one board. I fall at least 67% of the time. When I do make it off without falling, a pinata explodes in my head and all the candy somehow makes it into my belly.

  • B

    A few years ago I went skiing with some Aunts & Uncles. Us ladies made it off the ski lift just find, but the guys weren’t paying attention and missed the “Exit.” Instead of just going back around, they JUMPED. Like idiots. My one Uncle almost broke his arms.

    Men.

  • Connor @ Citiesofthemind.org

    How do you get stuck on a ski lift? The whole thing IS A ZIPLINE! But that bolt trick might be easier.

  • Pauline

    A horror movie about people stuck on a ski lift? What’s next-People trapped in a revolving door or escalator? LOL

    The best cheesy low budget winter horror I saw was Ice Spiders. Have you seen it?

  • hungryandfrozen

    Oh lordy that sounds scary! If a thin premise to base a film around. I say that as someone who has been skiing once and spent the whole time faceplanting in a terrified manner.

    Hot chocolate is definitely the better choice!

Leave a Reply...or a Pop-Tart.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 10,821 other followers

%d bloggers like this: