I have a sniffle. Followed by an occasional sneeze. I already checked for zombie bites, and I’m all clear, so put down the weapon.
But after watching Contagion, I’m convinced I still may die.
It’s been nice knowing you.
From http://deathbycupcakes01.blogspot.com/
Here’s what I learned from Contagion:
- Don’t touch anything. Ever.
- If you must touch something, wipe it down and then pour an entire bottle of hand sanitizer over your hands when you’re done.
- The average person touches his or her face 2,000-3,000 times a day.
- Being Kate Winslet does not make you safe from viruses.
- Being Gwyneth Paltrow does not make you safe from viruses.
- Being Matt Damon does make you immune.
- Don’t cheat on your spouse. If you do, you’ll die from a virus killing millions. Karma.
- If you eat a pig that’s eaten a piece of banana that was partially eaten by a bat, you’re probably going to die.
- That bat was flying around near the pigs because of deforestation…so really it’s our own fault.
The most important thing I learned is that “Blogging is not writing. It’s graffiti with punctuation.” This was meant to be an insult, but I kind of like it.
Wait…the people in Contagion had coughs, not sneezes. I’m safe! Unless…the virus mutated. Noooooooo!
February 15th, 2012 at 8:49 am
I need to see this movie. And I love Matt Damon. And Kate Winslet. And Gwyneth Paltrow. And washing my hands umpteen dozen times a day.
I whole-heartedly embrace my OCD.
February 15th, 2012 at 8:55 am
Reblogged this on BABAJI.
February 15th, 2012 at 8:56 am
I wish I had known about that pig-banana-bat thing. That headstone picture is awesome.
February 15th, 2012 at 9:10 am
I think I see a causal link: according to a post by Misty of Misty’s Laws, you recently spent an afternoon in her company. Shorty thereafter, you were struck down in your prime by a mutated supervirus.
Coincidence? Or planned?
Could it be some evil overlord is USING Misty as a delivery device for the ultimate doomsday weapon- explosive sneezery?
(note: this scientist would never be implying that the esteemed Misty, who writes the funny as you do, would willingly be a doomsday deliverer. She too is a victim.)
Superballistic snot. I think I can sell that one.
February 15th, 2012 at 5:11 pm
I believe that evil overlord is my son. Or sons, really. They are little adorable germ factories who give me everything they get from the other germ factories at their schools. I am just an unwitting accomplice. Sorry, Thoughtsy!
February 16th, 2012 at 8:06 am
Don’t blame the little guys! I actually think it came from my coworkers, specifically Ddot the fruit-on-yogurt blasphemer.
February 15th, 2012 at 9:15 am
I hope you are feeling better. I’m emailing you today with a few questions. Take care.
February 15th, 2012 at 9:39 am
That movie was so freaky. I thought the blogger feature was great. Graffiti with punctuation – yeah! Lol. I used a lot of hand sanitizer after that. Maybe they were sponsors of the movie?
February 15th, 2012 at 9:39 am
Contagion was awesome, really liked it. My favorite part of the movie was the “graffiti with punctuation” remark lol.
February 15th, 2012 at 9:42 am
hahaha I lovvvvveeee outbreaks almost as much as guillotines. (So of course I saw “Contagion”!) But I guess I’d better not cheat on Peppermeister. …Even with Second Husband. Wait. I don’t think he counts. There’s gotta be a loophole.
Feel better. Your “graffiti” is hilarious
February 16th, 2012 at 8:07 am
Guillotines? Explain.
February 15th, 2012 at 9:46 am
And the deforestation was surely caused by evil Haliburton and corporate greed.
If Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t safe, none of us is. Going out to find bat and banana eating pigs to embrace the coming storm.
February 15th, 2012 at 9:50 am
I <3 that tombstone. *sigh* And this is from the guy who has worked hard to make tombstone authoring a thing.
Graffiti with punctuation exactly sums up my approach to blogging. I often exclaim, "See? I am a writer. I used words and stuff, ergo I am."
I keep hearing about this contagion thing, but I figured it was just something new that the kids were into.
February 16th, 2012 at 8:08 am
I was all about that tombstone, tool. I want it. Even if I die in a car accident or something.
February 15th, 2012 at 9:52 am
Don’t ever touch anything. I like how you always have such practical advice
February 16th, 2012 at 8:08 am
Except I should have added “except Skittles or Cap’n Crunch pancakes.”
February 15th, 2012 at 10:29 am
I’m strongly in the camp that overuse of hand sanitizer actually increases the chances you’ll get sick. I refuse to use hand sanitizer and I’ve been sick once total in the past three years.
February 16th, 2012 at 8:09 am
Once in 3 years? That’s pretty good. Since I started dating Kiefer, I get a nasty cold once a year. Damn kids….
February 15th, 2012 at 10:49 am
I feel that illness itself is the cure so I am always open to picking up more germs. Since Germs are everywhere, and Paranoya is the name I gave my shadow as a child, I know I do not have to concentrate on finding them. Eventually the Germs will tire of attacking humans and collapse into a meaningful civil war that will wipe them out forever.
February 15th, 2012 at 10:59 am
I have been in a bat cave does this mean I carry the contagion?
February 16th, 2012 at 8:10 am
That or Ebola.
February 16th, 2012 at 10:40 am
Eeeeeekkkkkkkk!
February 15th, 2012 at 11:55 am
I saw this movie too and I reached a lot of the same conclusions. We are all doomed.
February 15th, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Ha, always said that was going to be on my tombstone…of course, that was before I decided to be cremated.
I realize I must read ALL of your movie lessons before I ever watch another movie!
You need to set up a page to post them under!
February 16th, 2012 at 8:13 am
That’s a good idea. For now, you can just click here:
http://thoughtsappear.wordpress.com/tag/movies-teach-us/
February 15th, 2012 at 12:43 pm
We totally watched this movie with the kids and 17 is convinced that this is how the zombie apocalypse is going to start. He’s pretty sure its starting this year. Did you know they opened a zombie apocalypse supply store here in Las Vegas? Yep! 17 is making us take him there……
February 16th, 2012 at 8:14 am
A zombie apocalypse store? OMG. How long does it take to fly to Vega? I’ll be there in that many hours.
Post about it! I can’t wait to hear all about it!
February 15th, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Great. I’m just about to go to the gym. Now I’m going to be super conscious of what I touch.
February 16th, 2012 at 8:15 am
Just wear one of the BSL suits and you’ll be fine. It’ll probably make you sweat more, too.
February 16th, 2012 at 8:24 am
Can’t look any dumber than what everyone else looks like!
February 15th, 2012 at 2:08 pm
I’m using that tombstone…even tho i’m being cremated. and i touch my face 27 times a day…no more, no less….
February 15th, 2012 at 3:02 pm
2000-3000? I think someone is touching some other faces.
February 16th, 2012 at 8:20 am
I agree. That seems high. I started counting about 15 minutes ago. I’m at 5. My nose itches…6.
February 15th, 2012 at 5:15 pm
I wash my hands about a billion times a day because I am constantly surrounded by the great unwashed. I am sure I am doomed anyway.
Graffiti. Yep, that sounds about right.
February 15th, 2012 at 5:58 pm
That’s a really good summary of Contagion. The best part of that movie is the fact that it managed to convey the first two messages in the first couple minutes of the movie, even before anyone got sick.
February 15th, 2012 at 6:05 pm
love that quote
February 15th, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Love Matt Damon so will have to see it.
Graffiti with punctuation? Wow.
February 15th, 2012 at 11:36 pm
Contagion was great. We saw it in the theater, which of course made us nervous as we filed out after it ended – not to close, don’t touch me!
February 16th, 2012 at 8:21 am
I love it when movies have that effect. Like Jaws. My mom said she was scared to step in a puddle after seeing that.
February 16th, 2012 at 7:53 pm
OMG I JUST WATCHED THIS MOVIE LAST NIGHT THAT MEANS SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW WHAT BUT TOTES YEAH.
Anyway. Also. I should point that it isn’t *eating* the pig that ate the banana that the bat touched, it’s touching the man who was touching the raw pig that ate the banana. Or touched another pig who ate the banana. Cooking kills viruses.
So. Back to the no touching. Damn. That’s not going to work for me.
February 21st, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Ooooo…I thought she ate it. Oops.
I can’t live without hugs. No touching stinks.
February 20th, 2012 at 8:58 am
That graffiti line was the best thing about the movie. Unless you count this post, which I’m kinda inclined to.