I See Drunk People

Dear Moron in the Annapolis Doubletree Lobby,

Let me introduce myself. Last Friday night, this happened:

Guy in Lobby on Cell Phone: ::attempting to whisper:: There are loud drunk people here.

What I Thought: Where?

What I Said (in a stage whisper): Shhhh…we’re the loud drunk people!

My Analysis

Where to begin…let’s address “loud.”A hotel lobby after midnight is empty and quiet. So in comparison…everything seems loud.

And since I could hear you whispering, you were being loud.

Next, let’s address “drunk.” I heard your little comment, so obviously I was coherent. Perhaps the fact that you thought you were whispering means you, sir, were the Drunky McDrunk.

Clinging to Kiefer didn’t mean I couldn’t walk. I was clinging to his arm because I was freezing my tushie off, and I was trying to absorb all of the heat from his body. (My super power is sucking heat from others.)

And as for my response of “Shhhh…we’re the loud drunk people,” it’s called a “stage whisper” because you want people to hear what you’re saying.

Boo-Yah!

Not Sincerely,

Thoughts

PS: You almost ruined my Doubletree cookie with your nonsense. Almost.